“It’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.”

I first heard that phrase from a pastor’s secretary. I soon learned she was correct – in that church getting permission to do something was all but impossible, while getting forgiven for just doing things was easy. I never liked the way that worked or how it enticed people to do end runs in the name of expediency. 

Seal of permission © Kikkerdirk | stock.adobe.com

Unfortunately, this phrase is true in many marriages. I see men and women both doing things without mentioning it to their spouse because they know they will get opposition. The reality is they can do things and then “get forgiven” with far less hassle and upset than discussing it like mature adults before doing it.

You can probably tell from how I worded it that I’m not thrilled with this. Being easier doesn’t make it right

Aside from other issues, I think open communication is critical for a healthy marriage. It need not be an issue of “permission” – letting our spouse know what we are thinking and doing is the way to have a mature marriage. Feeling they can’t do that means a couple has problems.

If you see any “forgiveness rather than permission” in your marriage, I suggest you deal with it.

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