When she is on her period, something is probably hurting. The lower back (or lower back and upper buttocks) is common. Breast discomfort is also common.
Learn where her "period pain" is, and how you can rub or massage her to reduce this pain. You will have to really listen to her, and back off at any hint of "too much" as the line between "that helps" and "that makes it worse" can be razor thin. Once you know what to do, don't wait for her to ask - do it as often as you can.
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Loading ...One of the comments on the tip for Tuesday seemed to be saying that we should do what it right, regardless of what our bride chooses to do. I certainly agree with that - and I've posted about it more than once. But there is a limit to what you can do unilaterally, and if you expect to make changes that require your bride's participation, it is wise to know if she is willing before you set your mind on those things. The vast majority of husbands can make their marriage better with no action from their bride, but that does not mean most of us can go from a poor to a good, or a good to a great marriage just by our own efforts. If you set your sights on something that requires action from her that is not going to happen, then you are setting yourself up for disappointment, and setting her up for frustration. Even if what you want is right, pushing for it with no regard to what your bride wants is likely to cause problems.
When in doubt, start small, and start with something that does not require her to do much. Choose things you can do and change, and be ready to accept that some things can't change without her willingness to change. Whatever you do, don't make your marriage worse by pressuring your bride for things she is not ready to do.
(0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5) Loading ...I think a marriage is like living in a very large home. We can settle for living in a couple of small rooms, or we can live large, filling the house. The first is a weak, small marriage with little depth of love, while the second is a marriage full of love that gets better every year. What I have been proposing the last couple of days is moving into those empty, unused rooms of the house that is your marriage. But what if you find those rooms blocked by, and/or filled with junk?
A friend of mine recently sent an e-letter in which he discusses how living generates trash - and just at our physical living generates physical trash, our emotional, mental, and spiritual living generates motional, mental, and spiritual trash. Trash is not inherently evil (sinful) but it's not something one wants to live with. Thing is, we tend to be lazy, and dump our trash in any out-of-the-way place ... like those empty and unused rooms in the house that is our marriage.
So what trash needs to be hauled out to make way for claiming everything God intended your marriage to be? Odds are you both brought some trash into the marriage - wrong attitudes, bad examples, and the pain from rejection in past relationships (romantic and family relationships). Then there are those early problems that neither of you was willing to fully work out - you just avoided them and slowly abandoned the rooms were the problems were dumped. There are betrayals, large or small, fears, distrust, and so much more. The longer you have been married, the more trash you are likely to have, and frankly it can be overwhelming.
How do you deal with all that trash?! Just start hauling it out - piece by piece. Don't get all sentimental about it - you don't check the trash cans every time you empty them, do you? And don't try to assign each piece of trash to the person responsible for it - its trash, just get rid of it!
Yes, you will likely come to some things that you can't easily remove due to their size and weight. When this happens you will need to attack the issue and break it down so you can handle it. In this case, the person the trash belongs to may be important, as that person may be the only one who can deal with it.
And please, don't be embarrassed to bring in a professional cleaning crew if you need the help!
Okay, I have to stop now - either that or make a "tortured metaphor" tag! 
(0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5) Loading ...I have suggested that you can have a significantly better marriage - much deeper, much more loving - if only you and your bride will both make that reality a priority. To me there are a few questions to ask before you go for this - can it happen, what will it cost, am I willing to do what it takes, and is my bride willing?
Can it happen? As I said, I've seen it happen. I know a number of couples married 15 plus years who would say the last few years are better than all but the first months of their marriage - and that it is just getting better and better.
What will it cost? This is the real issue, in my opinion. Folks who have successfully done this have all been willing to give up almost anything. Some have had to give up a great deal, others very little, but all were willing to put the marriage first when something else got in the way. Some of what might have to be changed is where you live, the size of your home, your job, your hobby, and so on. If advancement in your job is more important than your marriage, this is not going to happen. If a big home, or a lot of stuff, is more important than deep love, it's not going to happen. If what others think of you is more important than what your spouse thinks of you, don't even try.
Are you willing to do what it takes? There is no contract on this, it's open ended. If you can commit to the goal, rather than what you think the process will be, you have a good shot. Are you willing to give up your "right" to feel certain ways? Are you willing to do things you don't think you should have to do, and not make a big deal about it?
Is she willing to do what it takes? All of the above applies to her as well, and she needs to be doing this of her free will and choice. By the way, she is more likely to have to deal with feelings of being cheated out of these things by you in the past - odds are she tried more than you in the past.
What about sex? Couples who fall madly in love develop very active sex lives. Not because they force it, or one of them demands it, but because they both want it. This is a natural part of being deeply in love, and I suspect that living that out is a necessary part of keeping the cycle going. If she has deep issues with sex, it is likely that she can't do what is required - if nothing else she will back off to avoid the physical intimacy that starts to grow as the love gets deeper. If you have ongoing porn or lust issues, that is going to become a limitation on the depth of your sex life, and thus your love. Minor sexual issues and differences in desire level should not be a problem, but deeper issue will be.
Tomorrow: My stuff, your stuff, my stuff, your stuff.
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This article talks about the small group of married folks who are still madly in love after decades. What is interesting about the article is that the researchers found a way to test the claims of the couples who said they are still very, very in love - brain scans confirmed they were like those newly in love. These couples are "outliers" points on a graph that are way, way off the normal curve.
I have not had my brain scanned (there is a joke in there, isn't there?) but I have no doubt my bride and I are in the group who is way off the curve. But why? Why do a very few couples not have the "normal" loss of love that most folks have (a rapid loss over the first ten years, followed by a more gradual decline for the rest of the marriage)? Why do some feel as in love, often more in love, than when they first married, many years ago?
My best answer is that it is a choice - a mutual choice to stay in love by actively working at it, by putting the marriage and one's spouse very high up on the list of priorities. I think it's like most things - what we get out is very much determined by what we put in.
Are you thinking "so what, it's great for you, but I don't have that"? I think you can have it, if you and your bride are both willing to work at it. I base this claim on couples I have seen who are growing more, not less in love, since a choice to make their marriage better. Some of these couples had years, or decades, of normal to bad marriage in their past. I've watched a few of these changed relationships over years, and it's not a short term change - I've seen couples go from little love to a great deal of love, and continue to grow over time.
More tomorrow - and be sure to post your thoughts on-line .
(0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5) Loading ...I heard a radio ad today for a jeweller that specialises in wedding rings. Part of the copy mentioned "the most important day of her life."
Okay, clearly, I am all about marriage, but frankly the day of our wedding is not the most important day in my life - or in hers. There are several other days for each of us that are far more important - days in which we made significant and life changing commitments to the Lord. I say days because while "salvation" is a point, becoming a servant to the King of Kings is usually a process with more than one point of significant change.
It is my commitment to the Lord that makes it possible for me to be a good, loving, and generous husband. Likewise, it is her commitment to the Lord that makes it possible for her to be a good, loving and generous wife. That makes those days not just more important for each of us, but also more important for our life together than the day we wed.
I have on occasion said that my bride is the daughter of God, and that I don't want my "father in law" to be displeased with how I treat His little girl. And while this is partly a joke, there is some very deep truth in it. When I disrespect my bride, when I put her off out of selfishness, when I yell at her, ignore her, and so on and so forth - I am doing all these things to someone who God loves dearly. When I am not loving to her, my image of who she is does not match the image God has of her - and odds are His image is more valid than mine.
(0 votes, average: 0.00 out of 5) Loading ...Female on top is the best position for most women when it comes to having an orgasm. This version is tweaked to make it even more likely she can get there.
You will lie on your back, and she will straddle you with her knees at about your hips. She lifts her body (a hand on your chest will help) and places your penis inside. After you are in place, take a moment to let her body adjust to you, and maybe make a couple of strokes to make sure everything is lubricated well. Then she lies forward so her chest is over yours, and she slow straightens her legs out, bring them first on top of your legs, and then between your legs as you part them for her. Now she moves not in a thrusting motion, but rather moving along your body - towards your head, then towards your feet. Your penis should stay fully inside her the whole time.
This position gives her control and contact that allows her to get the stimulation she needs. Because there is very little movement of the penis in the vagina, you should be able to last a very long time, while her legs inside of yours will make her vagina pleasingly tight.
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What forms of touch are for her body only? Kissing? Kissing other than the cheek? Stroking of some part? Dancing?
Having forms of touch that are for her only make her special - sacred rather than common if you follow.
The one exception to some of this that seems valid would be your children, or young children in general.
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