Today, after a couple of hundred miles of driving in California traffic (LA has more people than my entire state!) I snapped at my bride. She would not call it snapping, but I was far less kind than usual. I was immediately sorry for what I had done.
Five years ago, what I did today was far more common. Even then, I was more kind and even tempered than I think most husbands are. So why was I bothered by what I did today? It’s not because my bride will exact vengeance (she won’t), and it’s not because I think God will get me for it. I regret my loss of self-control because I want always to treat her with the utmost love and respect. I do not ever want to be unkind or unloving; no matter how rough things are for me. I want my bride to know I love her. I want her to know she is always important and special to me – even when I feel grumpy.
Does this mean I used to beat up on myself when I was worse? Not really. My goal is consistent improvement. No matter how good or bad I am about something, I want to improve. As long as there is improvement, as long as I am getting better, I feel I am doing well. Certainly, some things are more critical, and these need to change more rapidly. There should be times of focused work on something, but not at the expense of other areas.
Keep working on getting better at loving and caring for the wife God gave you. Do not ever think something is good enough; you can always do better. Don’t get too hung up on how poorly you do at something if you are making good progress in that area. In both what you do well and what you do poorly, do not compare yourself to others. Compare how you do now with how you did in the past.