What are your sexual roots? What influences your sexual thoughts and attitudes about sex? If those roots are good healthy things, your sexual desires and attitudes are going to be good, healthy, and a blessing to your bride. If your sexual roots are not so good, your desires and attitudes are going to be a problem for your sex life – especially if your bride’s root are also poor.
- Growing up with parents who openly showed love for each other.
- Seeing your sex organs as good from an early age.
- You have always seen your sexuality as good.
- Contact with couples who truly loved each other and had a good sex life. (This does not mean they talked about their sex life – but we can generally tell).
- Good sexual self-control as you grew up.
- Age appropriate positive sex education, starting well before adolescence.
- Avoiding the sexual experimenting so common in high school and college.
- Premarital counselling and advice that said, “Sex in marriage is awesome!”
- Ongoing relationships with men and couples enjoying great married sex.
- Growing up with a parent who thought sex was dirty.
- Your church teaching sex is bad.
- Hearing men are monsters, only after one things, sexually selfish, etc..
- Hearing sex is just for men, and women only do it because they must, or to get things.
- Lack of sex education growing up.
- Negative feelings about your sex organs or sexuality growing up.
- Being molested, in any way, to any degree.
- As a teen or older pushing for sex, or being pushed for sex.
- Exposure to porn and other media with distorted ideas of sexuality. This would include soap operas, many romance novels, some other fiction books, some graphic novels, and some R rated movies.
- Sexual contact with multiple partners over any length of time.
- Sex with your spouse before the wedding.
- Close friends with any of the roots above.
- Premarital warnings about sex: it is painful, overrated, hard to get, and so on.
If you have more items in the bad roots list than the good roots list, what does that say about you, your sexuality, and your sexual self-image? Have you dealt with the bad roots? If not, they still have an impact on your thinking.
What about your bride – can you go through the list above and mark her roots? If you cannot, you do not know enough about her.