I had an ah-ha moment today when I connected an e-mail I answered last night and a study I read about a few months ago. The e-mail asked if there was really harm in "looking" at other women. The study said that when we have too many choices we tend to take much longer to make a choice, and then are far less satisfied with our choice.
If I lived a couple hundred years ago, I would most likely have lived on a farm or in a small town. I'd have attended classes in a one room schoolhouse. And when my thoughts turned to marriage, I'd have had one to two dozen young women from whom to choose. But I live now, grew up in a big town, and had a graduating high school class of over 800. I had literally thousands of young ladies to choose from. Is this increased choice of woman part of why we marry so much later? Do we spend far longer choosing? More importantly, do we feel less sure when we do choose, and are we much less satisfied in the long run?
The same things would play into our sexuality. Rather than having seen one woman naked, most of us have seen hundreds or thousands. We've not had sex with that many women, but thanks to porn many of us have seen many, many women have (okay, fake having) sex. Surely this leads to us wondering if we chose right, and to great dissatisfaction with the one women we are having sex with.
I long ago set all other choices down. I won't second guess myself, or wonder what it would be like with someone else. My heart, my mind, and my sex organs belong to my wife and only my wife. All my eggs are in her one basket, and I will focus all my love and energy on her. I am what Barry Schwartz (author of The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less) calls a "Satisficer" - one who accepts their choice and is thus happier. Join me, accept your choice, your bride, as well done, and stop looking at and comparing your bride with, others.
References:
Summery of The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less
Having a wealth of options can lead to poor decision-making, experts say (LA Times)