Non-sexual massage

March 20, 2009

in Physical Touch

Touch is very important for all of us, as it affects our bodies and minds in profound ways. The same attitudes fears or damage that make sex difficult also cut a woman off from receiving touch. A truly non-sexual massage is a way to help your wife learn to accept and enjoy touch. It can also be a way for her to learn to trust you. What follows is specifically written for men who’s wives have difficulty with sex. If you don’t have such problems, you can modify this accordingly, but don’t underestimate the benefit of giving your wife some much needed touch with no sex attached. Any woman will benefit from and be blessed by massage. Also, don’t under estimate how arousing non-sexual massage can be for a woman who is sexually healthy!

In order for massage to work with a woman who has trouble with sex, it must be TOTALLY NON-SEXUAL!! It may take a while for her to relax and believe it’s not just a “trick” to get sex, but perseverance should win out. The “rules” are this: A whole body massage is just for her. Make it very clear that you only want to bless her. You don’t want, nor will you ever be willing to receive, anything in return. In addition, massage is NEVER, NEVER TO BE FOLLOWED BY SEX. Set at least a 2 hour “no sex” limit after massage. You should wear something to cover your genitals (you will get aroused, but this should not be “advertised”). Again, if she does not need or want such a limit, do without it.

To start, have her shower, or better yet, take a long hot bubble bath (prepare it for her, and leave her alone to soak). Have her lay face down on a beach towel on a carpeted floor (better than the bed, you need a firm surface). Have a small pillow for her head, and another to put under her legs just above the feet – a hand towel over the pillow will protect it from the massage oil. Use a good massage oil (see below), and apply the oil to your hands, not directly to her skin. Start at the top with her shoulders, and work down, slowly! Learn where she carries tension, and pay special attention to those areas. When you reach her feet, turn her over, and work back up to the head. Avoid her genitals. A brief, light massage of her breasts may be OK later, but avoid this to at first. Finish with her face. The hands and feet are especially important, spend extra time on them, but be careful with the feet as they are easily tickled. Use a firm touch to avoid tickling, but be careful, too much pressure in the wrong place can cause pain. Remember, relaxation is the primary goal. If you really want to get into it, go to the library and get a book on massage. A good thorough massage should take at least 30 minutes. Say very little as you work, let her concentrate on a type of touch that she can enjoy. Be sure the room is warm enough for her (which will be too warm for you). When you finish, lay next to her and snuggle (be sure not to “poke” her if you’re still aroused). Speak softly and tell her you love her. Let her just relax and enjoy.

As to method, in general you are safe to work with/along her muscles, moving towards the heart. Let her tell you how much pressure, and take her word on it. Firm pressure will help relieve tension, but very light strokes are also enjoyable – try a mixture of both. Try moving from one area of the body to the next in this way – as you are finishing one section, do some long strokes that include the next section.  Slowly move to strokes that are mainly the new section, with a few that do both, and then to just working the new section.

Oil: Always test any massage oil to make sure there is no allergic reaction – apply a small amount to a sensitive area like the inside of the upper arm or the breast and wait a day. With plant oils there will be no allergic reaction unless you or your spouse is allergic to the plant. If you are allergic to peanuts, don’t use peanut oil, etc.. Store bought oils are likely to have additives and preservatives, so they may be more prone to cause a rash. Sunflower oil is said to be almost allergy proof, so try that if you are unsure or have a problem.

Most of what you can buy isn’t very good in my opinion; you might want to make your own. I like 40 % walnut oil and 60% safflower oil as a base, but any edible oil will work. You could use straight cooking oil just fine, but a nice blend feels better for both giver and receiver, and scent adds a nice touch. You can play with the mix; some oils have more “drag” than others. I’ve seen sweet almond, grape seed, sesame, soy, and sunflower oil mentioned by those who give massages. An almond and sesame mix seems to be fairly popular with masseuses – it’s light, glides easy, and washed off easily. You can use vitamin E oil to thicken the mixture, it won’t take much, or olive oil, it will take more than the E.

Add a small amount of scented oil – you want essential oil, not extract. The essential oil goes a long way since you will use 1 to 3 parts essential oil to 100 parts of base. Peppermint, which has a cooling feeling and tends to make one more alert, is exceptionally strong, so use just 1% with peppermint. Sandalwood is great for calming someone, and can be mixed more strongly as it’s fairly subtle. A variety of essential oils are now available in many drug stores and grocery stores. Store oil in the fridge, and float a small squeeze bottle of it in hot water to warm it for use. Be sure to test any oil with an essential oil added, as a skin reaction is possible.

NOTE: Please login on-line and add your ideas on this! I’m no expert, just learned by doing.

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