More words

April 27, 2009

in Communication

You communicate from one side of your brain, while your wife communicates from both sides of her brain. This is a basic biological difference in the brains of men and women. This is based on actual physical differences in the brain that are present at birth – it is not a result of learning or culture.

What does this difference mean? It means she has more to say about everything – she has more words. What’s more, she needs to express those words to feel she has been heard. If you cut her off or ask her to bottom line it, she will feel you don’t care or could not possibly have understood her. The difference also means that her “more words” will tend to run you over – actually making it more difficult for you to understand her than if she had said less.

Is there middle ground that will let her be heard and you have a chance to actually hear her? Try letting her talk till she is done, than asking her for a brief high points review so you will be sure you have heard what she wants you to hear.

Bonus: Try very hard to avoid that universal reaction to being run over with words – the eye roll. Odds are she will take an eye roll as meaning something other than “I am drowning in verbiage”.

3 comments
Lucky one
Lucky one

I would agree. It sends the message of I was listening, but I want to make sure I heard clearly and understood clearly what it was that you were saying, which I think makes whomever feel appreciated and valued.

prov9_18_19
prov9_18_19

If I ask her for a "a brief high points review" after listening to her, she's going to think I wasn't listening. Wouldn't it be better to give her a "So what you are saying is..." review of what you heard to make sure you got it and to show you were listening and to let her correct or complete any inaccuracies?

Eleutheros
Eleutheros

AS a matter of fact, 'the eye-roll' is a sign of disgust, not frusatration. And disgust is the most powerful of those ugly emotions that drive humans to do ugly things. I have concluded, then, that it's use should be eliminated entirely from any interaction I have with any human at anytime. Especially my precious ones, the ones I love the most. I cannnot imagine Jesus rolling his eyes, in disgust, at anybody. Even those whom He condemmened for their bad hearts had His compassion which He displayed toward them with righteous indignation at their hypocricy, challenging them on it with the hope that they would see the error of thier ways and change. And if not, then at least He pointed out their bad behaviour as a warning to those who could hear His words, not to be like them, if they wanted to see the Kingdom of God. However, I do note that disgust was exactly the emotion that the hypocritical 'righteous' felt in their thoughts- thoughts which Jesus knew- toward the righteousness of God put on display, for examination, in all that Jesus said and did. They are the ones, I can imagine, who would have rolled their eyes at Jesus. Therefore, be good and don't roll your eyes at anybody. It's what your Father would want you to do.

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