LEAVE and cleave

May 21, 2009

in Beyond the Marriage, Good Marriage

© Creatista | Dreamstime.comParents (both yours and her’s) can be great blessing or a great curse to your marriage. Part of what makes them one or the other is them – how they act, what they say, if and how much they respect the two of you as a couple. The other part of what makes them a plus or a minus is how the two of you as a couple deal with any “parent problems” , and how quick you are to take appropriate action.

How do you balance “honour your parents” with the reality your spouse should be more important to you than your parents? With whom do you “side” when it seems you are in the middle between two unreasonable people?

I don’t have any easy answers, but I will offer a few ideas over the next couple of days Fridays.

My “credentials” in this area? I speak as a man with a mother (now with the Lord) who could accurately be called “formidable”. My father seventeen months after Lori and I married, and we both felt the only right thing before the Lord was for us to stay near my mother to help her in any way needed. A dozen years later this was put to the test when my mom got cancer. She had recurring battles with cancer between clear times for several years. On two occasions we moved into her house to help her when she was not well enough to be alone (her home was far larger than ours was). When the cancer got to where there was no more treatment, we moved in to be 24 hour care while she died – a process that lasted nine months, with my mother being bed bound the entire time.

So, I’ve dealt with these issue first hand and up close an personal!

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2 comments
Eleutheros
Eleutheros

Speaking as one with the experience of two in-laws under his belt, one bad and one good, and only of their maturity, in-laws are, indeed, either a problem or.... they are not. If there is a middle position to be had between being a problem and not being a problem then they are still a problem rather than a help because that usually means that what 'help' they are willing to give comes with a price on it. And it is also a truth that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Recently a good and dear friend of mine divorced her husband over adultery. I helped her move out of their house, surreptisiously, for him having already shown, after her decision to divorce him, that he would not hesitate to use their child as a 'hostage' to force her into saying and doing things he wanted to hear her say and wanted her to do. After she got out, but before we could leave, he showed up and I met his father. And his mother. Two minutes later I knew, for a fact, that everything she had told me about his manipulative ways was true. I could see it in his mother's eyes, feel it in her words and hear it in her voice. And his father was, of course, properly subdued. So, I ask, for those of you with married children, have you matured enough in wisdom to not be a problem to your children? Do you offer 'help' with a price sticker on it? And if others can see your parents in you would that be a good thing or a bad thing? "...justified was Wisdom by all her children." Jesus (Luke 7:35 CLV) So, be good. And wise. It is, after all, what you were created to be.

djay
djay

Nice picture! Both mother-in-laws were never very personable, but they also preferred to keep their distance. Then we lived about 3500 miles away from both of them and they did not come to visit. DJay

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