Second hand betrayal

June 1, 2009

in Beyond the Marriage, Good Marriage, Series

Betrayal is similar to anger, but less obvious and therefore even more insidious. If you hold on too feeling betrayed, you force those closest to you to make a choice – they must either join you, agree that someone wronged you, or they will be seen as siding with the other person. It’s “Love me, hate those I hate” and that’s just wrong. Our bitterness divides the world into those who are acceptable and those who are not, and we expect those who love us to agree with us on who is acceptable, on who is to be loved and trusted and who is not.

Another thing that we men seem to be good at is taking up the betrayal of our brides and making it our own. On the surface this seems right (I confess I have done it more than I want to admit) but what it really does is enables her to be like the person I described above. She feeds on your being offended for her, and that can become a viscous cycle that makes the whole thing bigger and more harmful.

Certainly you are to support her when she is wronged, but we must learn to do that in a Christ like way. Have you ever seen a movie where some man risks everything to right a wrong done against “his woman”? Sometimes the wrong is very minor and the “righting” requires the death of the one who committed the offence. Sometimes the man is on a vendetta for his own reasons, other times the woman spurs him on – “Defeat my honour – vanquish my foes!”

I doubt any of us has contemplated murder over an offence against our bride, but movies often tell us about the thought and feelings common to mankind. Can you, like I, see more of yourself in those movies than we should?

1 comments
Eleutheros
Eleutheros

Whoa. Does this ever remind me of how I felt as I was divorcing! To my shame, I did this 'to-love-me-you-must-be-for-me-or-you-are-against-me' thingy to my children. Fortunately, I saw how wrong it was early on and quit doing it. But the damamge it did is still something I deal with, even though my children are growing up and seeing that the light my ex has to offer is dark, indeed. And when I think back on how much my ex was able to manipulate me into doing things I didn't want to do, things that I thought were wrong, with words similar to 'defend my honour'- I cringe. For the truth is that she had earned no honour that I had to defend. Consider then that there are bad humans who are bad because they do and say bad things. Just like their are good humans who are good because they do and say good things. To simplistic? Well consider that Jesus, Himself, said about what comes out of the human heart and that, in His parables, he often seperated all humans into exactly two types- the good and the bad. And now and ask yourself if it is possible for you to know which one you are, good or bad. For if If He knows then can't you? However, being married now to a good woman, one who loves dong what is right and therefore, understands truth and has wisdom... I never find my integrity being falsley challenged. And should my precious one's honour actually be 'attacked' by another human, it would be because of the integrity she has shown. Therefore, for the hounour that she has earned, she would be defended by me, in righteousness, with a clean conscience. And that is a valuable thing to have, indeed. Which is why I say, be good! It is what you were created to be!

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