Be Way Off the Curve

June 29, 2009

in 1 + 1 = 1, Good Marriage

© Eraxion | Dreamstime.comThis article talks about the small percentage of married people still madly in love after decades together. What’s interesting about the article is the researchers found a way to test the claims of couples who said they are still very, very in love. Brain scans confirmed they were like couples newly in love. These couples are “outliers” points on a graph way off the normal curve.

I’ve not had my brain scanned (there’s a joke in there, isn’t there?) but I have no doubt my bride and I are in the group who is way off the curve. The question is, why?  Why do a very few couples not have the “normal” loss of love most folks experience: a rapid loss over the first ten years, followed by a more gradual decline for the rest of the marriage? Why do some feel as in love, often more in love, than when they first married, many years ago?

My best guess would be it’s a choice; a mutual choice to stay in love by actively working at it, by putting the marriage and one’s spouse very high up on the list of priorities. I think it’s like most things – what we get out is determined by what we put in.

Are you thinking “so what, nice for you, but I don’t have that”? I think you can have it, if you and your bride are both willing to work at it. I base this claim on couples I’ve seen who are growing more love since a choice to make their marriage better. Some of these couples had years, or decades, of normal to bad marriage in their past. I’ve watched a few of these changed relationships over years, and it’s not a short term change – I’ve seen couples go from little love to a great deal of love, and continue to grow over time.

More tomorrow – and be sure to post your thoughts on-line .

4 comments
landschooner
landschooner

I believe that the author is exactly correct "My best answer is that it is a choice - a mutual choice to stay in love by actively working at it, by putting the marriage and one's spouse very high up on the list of priorities." But without mutuality at some point, it isn't going to happen. Just like our relationship with God. Without our being responsive to Him, the fellowship falters.

kute51
kute51

I completely agree with the idea that Love is a concious choice. My wife and have gone through every up and down you can imagine. Almost divorced 2 yrs ago. We both made the decision to CHOOSE to love each other. And even more importantly asked for God's will in our lives. We are more in love than ever (21 years).

sonicboon
sonicboon

I honestly believe my wife and I are in that small minority also.

djay
djay

Raising our children seemed to take a lot of emotional energy. With me being a morning person and my wife being a night person, finding personal time when both of us were awake enough to enjoy it was difficult. Now that the children are grown up and in college, seems like we have been able to revert to the more romantic days of when we were first married. Yes, the girls still roll their eyes at us, but I think that they really enjoy it knowing that mom and dad are still in love. My parents never showed that sort of affection for each other -- at least not in my memory. I'm glad that we can.

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