Comments on: Reality check http://www.the-generous-husband.com/2009/07/02/reality-check/ Daily tips on being a better husband. Wed, 28 Jul 2010 18:23:57 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc hourly 1 By: eppvolvo http://www.the-generous-husband.com/2009/07/02/reality-check/comment-page-1/#comment-259 eppvolvo Thu, 02 Jul 2009 22:29:28 +0000 http://www.the-generous-husband.com/?p=1182#comment-259 I'm going to try this again from a different angle. When someone suffers a stroke and they lose the ability to talk, many times they can learn to talk again, but they have to use a different set of brain paths then they used to use. That doesn't even come close to describing what I have learned about not pressuring your wife to do something but leading her without her knowing it to get her to do something that is vital to the marriage for it to survive. Maybe it is better said with on old timer's saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. But you can salt his oats." I’m going to try this again from a different angle. When someone suffers a stroke and they lose the ability to talk, many times they can learn to talk again, but they have to use a different set of brain paths then they used to use.

That doesn’t even come close to describing what I have learned about not pressuring your wife to do something but leading her without her knowing it to get her to do something that is vital to the marriage for it to survive.

Maybe it is better said with on old timer’s saying, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. But you can salt his oats.”

]]> By: macaw2000 http://www.the-generous-husband.com/2009/07/02/reality-check/comment-page-1/#comment-258 macaw2000 Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:53:30 +0000 http://www.the-generous-husband.com/?p=1182#comment-258 I wish you had made this post earlier. I walked right into that mistake yesterday - pressuring a change that was too big and with no willingness. I wish you had made this post earlier. I walked right into that mistake yesterday – pressuring a change that was too big and with no willingness.

]]> By: Eleutheros http://www.the-generous-husband.com/2009/07/02/reality-check/comment-page-1/#comment-257 Eleutheros Thu, 02 Jul 2009 10:25:46 +0000 http://www.the-generous-husband.com/?p=1182#comment-257 In his most excellent book, Passionate Marriage, Dr. David Schnarch recognizes this very same principle and warned his readers that as you changed your spouse will either change with you or refuse to. And if refusal is the reaction, prepeare yourself to let your spouse go. Hard words but insightful ones. As I was grasping the concepts in his book and learning how to change for the better, I perceived that my ex was going from confident to anxious because she could no longer 'push my buttons' and get the same reactions she got before. I tried to talk with her about these changes but was rejected because she didn't want to acknowledge her part in the dissolution of our marriage, even though I could and did. Simply put, she didn't want me anymore, changed or not. We divorced and I remarried, <i>quite</i> successfully. This then is what I havce learned and pass on to you: Just because something bad happens doesn't mean it's going to be bad for you. And if you keep your extravagantly purchased, blood-cleansed conscience clean by doing what you know is right and confessing to the hurt party when you do something wrong, especially your spouse, you <i>will</i> see the favor of Jehovah turning something bad into something good. Which is why I keep urging you to be good. It is, after all, what you were created to be. In his most excellent book, Passionate Marriage, Dr. David Schnarch recognizes this very same principle and warned his readers that as you changed your spouse will either change with you or refuse to. And if refusal is the reaction, prepeare yourself to let your spouse go. Hard words but insightful ones.
As I was grasping the concepts in his book and learning how to change for the better, I perceived that my ex was going from confident to anxious because she could no longer ‘push my buttons’ and get the same reactions she got before. I tried to talk with her about these changes but was rejected because she didn’t want to acknowledge her part in the dissolution of our marriage, even though I could and did. Simply put, she didn’t want me anymore, changed or not. We divorced and I remarried, quite successfully.
This then is what I havce learned and pass on to you: Just because something bad happens doesn’t mean it’s going to be bad for you. And if you keep your extravagantly purchased, blood-cleansed conscience clean by doing what you know is right and confessing to the hurt party when you do something wrong, especially your spouse, you will see the favor of Jehovah turning something bad into something good.

Which is why I keep urging you to be good.

It is, after all, what you were created to be.

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