I’ve talked a bit already about learned sexual behaviour. Learned behaviour includes what we think is good and bad, enjoyable or gross, fun or not. What we find gross is primarily learned behaviour. I know it doesn’t feel that way, but it is. What’s more, most of it is learned very early, before we have any concept of sex or any awareness we’re learning attitudes about sex and body parts.
Most of this information comes from out parents, and for most of us, primarily from our mother. How she treats our genitals when dealing with them for diapering, toilet training, washing and such communicates her attitudes about those body parts; and by extension what those body parts do. We’re extremely good at picking up on what others think and feel, especially as babies and young children, and something as simple as mom being stiff or not looking directly at us can teach us our sexual parts are bad, ugly, nasty, and so on. When we hit puberty these ideas about sex organs and acts are either further strengthened, or challenged and possibly weakened or changed.
The problem is we don’t think of our sexual attitudes as learned behaviour – we feel them as absolutes, as something that just is, something we have no power to change. The reality these things are learned, and they can be unlearned. Our attitudes about sex can be changed – and so can our wife’s attitudes about sex.
How do you change sexual attitudes? First you have to accept your attitudes may not be 100% correct. You also have to believe your “gut reactions” might not be as much about your gut as what others have trained you to think and feel. Did God really intend us to see our sex organs as dirty? Did He design us to feel our sexual fluids are disgusting? What if God made those parts to be beautiful to us, and those fluids to be seen as an indication of enjoyment and pleasure? What if, dare I say it, mom was uptight and wrong? What if our sex organs are not gross, and our God given sexual urges are just that – God given?
Explore what you think about sex – and challenge ideas you can not substantiate.