Living Sexual

July 25, 2009

in Series, Sexuality

07-25-09When sex is something separate, with a start and finish, it’s easy to go days without “doing it”. On the other hand, when sex is an integrated part of your life together, being “sexual” becomes something you do several times most days. By “being sexual” I don’t mean “having sex”, but rather doing something intimate, arousing, and enjoyable. It can be anything from whispering half a dozen words about what you want to do later to having sixth seconds of intercourse and stopping before anyone climaxes – and all kinds of things in-between. This is living sexual.

The goal is to make being sexual a normal, natural part of your time with your spouse. Eventually being sexual should become something you do without thinking to do it. It often results in both of you getting very aroused, but the goal is beyond arousal. The real goal of living sexual is for sex to become easy and natural. When you do go beyond the playing, when you “go all the way” it  will be easier, and it will be “faster” for her (when you both want faster) because you don’t have to work to move into sex mode; you live in sex mode, or so close it takes only a thought or touch to be there. Living sexual also makes each sexual encounter less of a big deal because it’s one of many rather than one of a few. This takes the pressure off of sex, which is always a good thing.

One of the secrets to living sexual is to find the line of what is acceptable to your bride. How much is fun, and when does it become pressure? What is playful, and what feels too public? How aroused is she willing to be when it’s not going to end now, and how aroused is she comfortable with you being when it will be hours till something can be done about it? 

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2 comments
Randy-from-Ontario
Randy-from-Ontario

After 14 years in marriage I'm only just being to see that the quality of the intimate (sexual) relationship between a husband and wife appears to be (is?) a relection of the relationship as a whole. I had always treated them as separate. Paul, your ministry here and a book call "A Severe Mercy" by Sheldon Vanauken have shown me (for the first time) what a strong marriage relationship looks like. Thanks for the inspiration and please pray for me. Although my wife was not directly abused as a child, her sister was, so I find myself struggling with similar issues.

eppvolvo
eppvolvo

A reminder. Sometimes this takes years of marriage to get to this place. But it's worth it.

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