My bride speaks …

July 27, 2009

in Series, Sexuality

Paul tells me he’s doing a week or so on sexual concepts and would like for me to share a bit from a woman’s perspective.  My first thought went something like this “Arrrrrrggghhh!  You’ve got to be kidding!”  Now really, it’s not that I don’t want to share with y’all, it’s just that women are typically pretty complex and saying something about them as a class will likely get you fussed at (if not knocked on the ground and beaten with a high heel shoe).  I’m hoping y’all are a nicer bunch, so here goes…

Earlier today my husband was having kittens over his (misbehaving) computer.  He said something like this, “It keeps going back to this nasty little bit of old code that is broken and non-functional.”   (And, yes, he did eventually figure out how to fix the problem, for those of you who were concerned.)

However, what he said just stuck with me.  Isn’t that the core of most personal problems we face?  Don’t we go to the earliest bits of “code” and act the way we are programmed to (regardless of how good or bad that is)?  We can change that, but it takes awareness and effort (and usually some personal healing).  For most of your wives, they have some really nasty bits of old code.  They’ve been told their bodies are not perfect (and, of course, to be really sexy you have to be perfect), that good girls don’t like sex (or don’t do a particular sex act), and on and on.  They’ve given themselves only certain “permissions” when it comes to pleasure and, for the most part, they operate on all this without much thought, flipping back to those often “nasty little bits of old code that are broken and non-functional.”

I’m not sure I have any easy answers for you, but I can tell you that there are wives out there that want to change, to enjoy sex and learn to pleasure their husbands in the bedroom (there a few thousand gals are on The Generous Wife list, many of them on there because of the sexual tips).  Perhaps just sharing the above concept with your wife will help her understand the nature of some behaviors.  If you can show how it works with non-sexual behaviors first, then she might be more willing to see how it operates in her sexual behavior as well.  And, most powerfully, model that kind of change for her.  If you will own your own “bits of code” in whatever area of life that God is shaking up, you give her a living example of what God can do for her, in and out of the bedroom.

Lori <><

2 comments
quercus
quercus

A good word. I had just had a similar thought about my wife today, about the old bits of code that come from her parent's marriage, but I'm honestly losing hope for change, or that she sees a need for change. And I'm trying, but I feel like God is tired of hearing my prayers in this area.

Randy-from-Ontario
Randy-from-Ontario

Thanks Lori! I needed to hear this today. Changing your personal code, let alone helping someone else change theirs, isn't easy. I'm restarting my prayer life today in the hopes that my code changes stick so I can be the example that my wife needs.

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