Does she need sex in order to feel desire?

August 1, 2009

in Sexuality

I read an interesting write up the other day on recent research that suggests many women’s sexuality is different than what’s typical for men and most women.

For virtually all men, and a majority of women, sex is sought because of desire. For these folks, the sex drive is just that, a drive – like feeling a need to eat or sleep. But for about one-third of women, it doesn’t work this way. For some women desire only occurs as a result of sex; arousal brings desire, not the other way around.

But let’s define arousal. Numerous studies have women can be physically aroused (swelling and lubrication) without “feeling” aroused. Some women are unaware of the physical arousal while others are aware of it but don’t feel aroused. It would be like hearing your stomach growl and knowing what that means, but not feeling any sense of hunger. The issue here is not what her body does, rather it’s about what she feels.

For women who don’t feel desire outside of sex, it can seem like a catch 22 – she won’t want sex if she doesn’t feel desire, and she won’t feel desire is she doesn’t start to have sex.

If a woman learns that starting sex leads to desire, which leads to enjoying, everything is good.  This would be like knowing if you took a couple of bites of food you would start to feel hunger and would then want and enjoy the meal. For this to work sex needs to start slow, with a good deal of non-sexual and semi-sexual touching at first. Think sensual rather than hot sex, and give her body and mind time to develop desire.

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2 comments
Eleutheros
Eleutheros

Yea, but what can be substituted for a Bud Light Lime if it's a sin to drink adult beverages? Well, there is one thing that works for me just as good as a few Shiner Bock's or a few glasses of Gallo's Cafe Zinfindel-- Kissing. Yep, good 'ol kissing. Leading to heavy petting and a slow progression to that natural state where good things happen. And I will add that some particualr attention to the ears, while kissing, are particularly good at leading her to desire, when she isn't feeling it much prior to kissing. Now that's what I call being good! Just as we were married to be!

billybarue
billybarue

Just one more thing I have to be thankful for; my wife knows what she wants and when she wants it. On those rare occasions when life gets in the way and her drive is low, a Bud Light Lime jump starts her. FYI: I'm 54 and she is 47, and it gets better all the time!

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