One thing I have learned over the years is that there are three “sides” to any marriage “story” – his side, her side, and reality. I’m not (just) talking about intentional lying, but rather the reality that we all see things in a way that makes us look good – and if someone has to look bad, we tend to see things so someone else looks worse than we do. (See It’s all about perspective – a recent post from one of you on this.)
Even if we want to avoid this, it is very difficult because it is, in a way, a form of self deception. Even when we try to be fair, we naturally see our perspective clearly, while her perspective is foreign to us. We understand what we think and mean, but knowing exactly what she thinks and means is very difficult.
If you want to give yourself a real chance of seeing her side of the story, try not saying anything about your perspective until you have heard hers, and asked enough questions to be fairly sure you really get it. If, having really heard her, you think she needs to hear your side, she should more open to listen because she feels heard by you.
