You have all night

August 22, 2009

in Sexuality

Ever worry about lasting long enough? Odds are your bride has a similar concern, but it looks different from her vantage point; she’s worried about taking too long. 

At best time pressure reduces her pleasure; at worst it prevents her from having an orgasm at all. Studies have found being relaxed is critical for a woman to climax, and worrying about how long she’s taking makes it take longer. Even if she’s able to get there, she may push to climax quickly, and without a good long build up her orgasm is weaker.

So tell her to take her time. Tell her you want sex to last longer, you want to give her the chance to fully enjoy, and you want to learn to enjoy the “journey” as well as the “destination”. (And trust me, the getting there can be fantastic!)

How do you actually do this? Slow down; slow way down. Kiss a lot more before you touch below the neck. Spend some time kissing and touching her breasts before you go below the waist. When you get between her legs, go light and don’t make a bee-line for her vagina or clitoris – touch the inside of her legs and stroke her vulva as a whole. Rather than moving to each “next step” as soon as she’s ready, make her want, even ache for, the next step.

Next, don’t jump at the first hint she’s ready for intercourse. In fact, ignore hints, and when she flat out asks, continue what you’re doing a bit longer. Tell her you’re willing when she’s ready, but only when she is really ready

If she generally doesn’t climax during intercourse, take care of her first – s l o w l y. Don’t be in a hurry so you can get to what you want; take your time, and let her know you’re going to take your time. Show her, by doing it repeatedly, that you will give her as long as she wants, rather than just barely as long as she needs. Don’t hold her off when she is ready, but teach her you are not in a hurry.

Will all this time of foreplay mean you can’t last as long? While it seems that way, the truth is often the exact opposite – especially if you let her touch you some along the way. Taking it slow can actually help you last. Your body will adjust to the arousal level, and it may become easier to avoid suddenly being too close.

 

3 comments
Jerome
Jerome

Ha! Wouldn't I love to slow down. Since sex happens so frequently and inconsistently, when the planets do finally align I'd like to make it last. Instead I get, basically, "Go ahead." If I ask to wait, she tells me she's tired and, in essence, I need to finish up. Real turn-on.

Eleutheros
Eleutheros

For us, the kissing part is very, very important. Even more so as we get older. One of the things that helps us to get where we want to go during times of limited arousal, is her being able to tell me what she wants and what she doesn't want as well as how she wants it (i.e. not there... there. Faster, slower, right there etc.) as well, as my ability to hear her without 'taking it personally'. 'Cause sometimes even what I already know about how to arouse her is not right, this time. And this is especially true when I engage her in oral sex. And trust is what enables this kind of exchange. Trust that is built up with everything else that we do and say and don't do and say. There's a lot to be said for a lot of talking during sex. Be good!

erikanderson
erikanderson

Gentlemen, something also to consider is distraction. My bride can get easily distracted if she is really wanting to fully enjoy sex. A woman's mind often runs on a "guilt-meter" - their course of action is determined by what will make them feel less guilty. If a woman has other things she thinks she needs to be doing it will be difficult for her to focus on sex (thus, feeling guilty about receiving pleasure when there is other things she thinks she should be doing). If this is the case, forget about any orgasms for her. Do what you can to make sure she can enjoy it as much as possible - pick up the house a bit. Put on some non-intrusive music or something that will mask out any potentially distracting noises. Turn off the phone ringer and disable the doorbell. Cover the bases. Take care of anything that she may be distracted by so she will be able to enjoy herself. The worst sex interruption is "oh, I just forgot to ... I'll be right back" or "do you hear the phone?" A little forethought can take care of this and is well worth it!

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