Change takes more than a small improvment

August 31, 2009

in Good Marriage

In an article about the controversy over who wrote Shakespeare, I read the following: “In science, a reigning theory is presumed provisionally true and continues to hold sway unless and until a challenging theory explains the current data as well and also accounts for anomalies that the prevailing one cannot.” in.

“In science, a reigning theory is presumed provisionally true and continues to hold sway unless and until a challenging theory explains the current data as well and also accounts for anomalies that the prevailing one cannot.”

What if you applied this concept to your marriage – to what you know about your bride, and what she knows about you. Once you have an understanding of something about her, it takes more than a small or short-term change in her behaviour to change your understanding. Same for your bride – once she has an idea about you, it takes more to change that idea than it took to form the idea in the first place.

I take three lessons from this:

  1. Be very careful about what you do, as undoing it will take far more time and energy that doing it.
  2. If you want to change how your bride sees something about you, it will take time.  This is not because she is unwilling to see change in you, but because of human nature.  Convincing her you have changed will take time and consistency.
  3. If your wife is making an effort to change something, try to encourage her even when you are less than sure that she has really changed. Giving her the benefit of the doubt is difficult, but it can help her to fully accomplish a change she wants to make.

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