So now for the practical –
- Look back over the last two tips and see if you have any thoughts or feelings that might be causing her sexual difficulty. If you do, deal with those, then let her know of the change in your perception.
- If you think she’s thinking things that hold her back sexually, pray and work on these gently.
- Make it clear to her that her pleasure is very important to you. Then do things that show that.
- Don’t make it too big a deal. If it seems more important to you than it is to her it will likely make her feel pressured.
- If she’s never had an orgasm, let her know you understand she may have to learn on her own first, and make sure she knows that’s fine with you. Don’t ask her about it regularly, just give her time and space.
- If she can climax on her own, but not with you in any way, ask her to show you how. If she’s shy about this, try “hand riding” – she uses her hand with your hand over hers, your palm to the back of her hand. This can also be done with your hand on her genitals, and her hand on the back of yours.
- For intercourse, gently encourage her to be on top – and once there to do what feels good to her. Ask her to not worry about you; anything she enjoys will be fantastic for her.
- If she’s open to it, try a bullet vibrator between your bodies during intercourse. Let her put it in place so she can find the best place. Also, let her control the speed. Try different ways of moving to see what’s best for her.
- If she doesn’t climax during intercourse, be very ready to use your hands, mouth, or a vibe to give her whatever she wants.
- Don’t celebrate “success” as if it’s all fixed. Be happy for her, and show that without going overboard. Understand this will be a hit and miss thing for her, and the next time you have sex she probably won’t “succeed” again.
See this as a process, not a goal. Do all you can to keep pressure and expectation out of it. Give her all the freedom you can for her to learn her body and the pleasure it can bring her. If nothing seems to change, know that time may be on your side. As women age, they become more sure of themselves, they have more energy when they no longer have small children, and their sex drive tends to go up starting in the mid-thirties or so.
And pray – I did mention prayer, didn’t I?