Someone will hear us!

September 12, 2009

in Sexuality

One of you wrote saying his wife is very worried about being heard while making love. I’ve heard this often, and for various reasons;  young couple living with one set of parents, one or more elderly parents living with the couple, teens who stay up late, or other people old enough to know what “those noises” mean. It’s vital to find a solution; if it goes on for long the fear of being heard will harm not only your sex life but your relationship as a whole.  A few ideas, divided into noise reduction, cover noise, and other things:

Noise reduction:

  • If the bed makes noise, figure out why:
    • If the frame is noisy, tighten in.
    • If the headboard hits the wall, put something between them to pad it – a towel or foam. Secure to the back of the headboard if needed.
    • If the bed has wheels that cause problems remove them or put rubber or felt foot pads under them
  • If you can’t fix the noise, try alterations to reduce noise:
    • Try laying with your head where your feet go.
    • Try her on top.
    • Try her on top with your feet against the headboard or wall to reduce bed movement.
  • If the bed is hopeless, hit the floor:
    • A folded blanket makes a fast pallet.
    • A piece of foam or a couple of sleeping bags kept under the bed make a nicer place to lay and play.
    • If this is a long-term situation, consider a mat or pad you can keep under the bed.

Cover noise. Use these not just when you’re having sex, as it then becomes a signal you’re having sex and she’ll feel uptight about that. Make a point of running the cover noise when only one of you is in the bedroom, or when the door is open

  • Put an air purifier near your door – look for one that is NOT quiet.
  • Run an oscillating or box fan.
  • Run the central AC or furnace on fan setting.
  • Get a white noise machine.
  • Play background music (non-vocal).

Other ideas:

  • Alter your love making time. Even if the house is never empty, having sex while those who are home are doing something like watching TV will ensure you’re not heard.
  • Rent a hotel. With an online find-a-deal service you can find a low rate – especially last minute. Let folks know you’re going out for a date, just don’t tell them what you’ll be doing.
  • Have sex in the shower – the water will cover any noise. Intercourse is tricky and potentially risky, but manual and oral can be done nicely.

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3 comments
dannyrod
dannyrod

Let me share one of my favorite sex substitutes =) . . . Sex in the shower, but NOT intercourse! Simply warm up the shower wall with some hot water for the wife to lean back against, spread some conditioner on each others' bodies (extra attention to wife's inner thighs), then place man unit between wife's legs and proceed with thrusting . . . feels amazing, and no discomfort or tricky angles for her!

Jpatten
Jpatten

We haven't worried about it too much. Fortunately our kids are young so far, and sound sleepers. Additionally they are on the Lower floor and the Master suite is upstairs. that helps. For over a year after our twins were born though they slept in our room and we had to make other arrangements because they didn't sleep well. Even when it was quiet. We would use the couch quite often, and many times wind up sleeping there till the babies started waking up.

troylaplante
troylaplante

Our bed was the noisiest thing I have ever slept on. I bought it just before we met, which was almost two years ago. I got it on Craigslist. A couple got a bed suit as a wedding gift and was selling their king size set for $150. It was only a few months old, so I figured it was worth it. I had been bed shopping at The Original Mattress Factory and the Sleep Number Store. Since I had been sleeping on a waterbed for 19 years, a new bed seemed in order. $150 vs $1700 or $2500 seemed good. As a single guy at the time, the bed seemed OK and any noise was no big deal. Enter a wife and it was incredibly noisy. Every motion made noise on the foundation and mattress. We finally got tired of the el cheapo mattress, the depressions in the mattress, the inability to flip the mattress, and all the noise waking each other up. This is not to mention the fact that when we were first married, we had her mother staying with us (she needed somewhere to live several months before we married, so I took in the future mother-in-law as a boarder for a while). The wife and I were constantly concerned about the bedroom noise. We just had a baby, who is almost nine weeks old now. Yup, he is a honeymoon baby. We discussed the bed situation, since the old bed was noisy and we did not want to keep waking the baby, who was sleeping in a bassinet in our room for now. Wifey-poo was still healing from giving birth, so we were not going to have sex at the time, but we still were concerned about the noisy bed for when we were able to resume. Just cuddling, kissing, caressing, and for that matter, sleeping caused enough noise. I checked out Paul's recommendation from almost two years ago for an airbed web site. I liked what I saw. I also did not have the money to pay cash. I did not want to run up a Visa or MasterCard, either. One day while my bride and I were walking around the mall looking for a new pair of walking shoes for her, we came across The Sleep Number Store. She had never tried one of their beds before. So, we pushed the baby carriage into the store and she got to try out a bed. She was in love. Since the store was having their annual sale at the time, just before Labor Day, we had discussed a new bed for a year, and the timing seemed right, we went ahead and got one of their nice Sleep Number beds on their financing plan. Fortunately, we had recently paid off her car, so we had the budget. She has been out of work for almost nine months, so we are weary of any debt. However, we figured that this was a long term investment for our marriage. She felt good about the bed, so we bought it. The bed was delivered and set up a week and a half later. We both sleep a bit better now and we don't make a lot of noise. Since she is now healed up from giving birth, we tried making love on it. It is awkward since we have two different settings on either side of the bed. Without me laying on my side, it is rather flacid (pardon the pun). We will figure it out. It is still a new bed, only about two weeks old now. The great news is that she loves to use the couch, no matter what.

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