In theory, all women can have multiple orgasms – but most don’t do so, or only do so infrequently. There are a number of reasons for women not having multiples, with choice being one that must be honoured. If she has indicated an interest, or if you’re sure she wouldn’t be upset if you tried and succeeded, here are some tips. Be aware that women are all different sexually, and while what follows is designed to cover the majority, some women will fall outside these lines.
First, there are two types of multiple orgasms. For clarity here, I will refer to Sequential Orgasms and Multiple Orgasms:
In these graphs, the green line represents the “orgasm threshold” – with everything above the line being orgasmic. The red line marks the woman’s arousal level over time. The top graph is a normal single orgasm – build up, one peak, and loss of arousal. The second graph shows three sequential orgasms – with a partial loss of arousal following each peak, then a new build up following the first two. The third graph shows three multiple orgasms – three peaks, with a minor drop in arousal, but never falling below the orgasm point. (Please note there are a variety of terms for the second two – I use multiple and sequential as they seem logical descriptions.)
To learn how to give her more than one, and for her to learn how to do it, intercourse is probably a poor choice. If she already orgasms from intercourse you can probably move what you learn to intercourse, but trying to start there is very likely to fail. Stimulation by hand, mouth, vibrator, or any combination of these will work. For most women adding some form of vaginal stimulation will help – gentle thrusting of a finger or stimulation of the G-spot are both good, as is motionless “parking” of a finger or two.
When you want to give her more than one orgasm you need to take your time. A very slow build up will improve the chances of her climaxing more than once. You also want to try and get her to a very high level of arousal before her first climax – and prolonged stimulation short of orgasm is the way to do that. Some women like the peaking or brinking that most men enjoy, but others do not. If peaking isn’t for her just slow down as she gets close so she’s at a high level of arousal for longer.
Of the two, sequential is probably easier to achieve. The time between two orgasms can be a few seconds to many minutes, with loss of arousal can be very minor, or almost complete. The key to sequential orgasms is to continually provide some level of stimulation. Usually, there needs to be a significant drop in the level of stimulation immediately after an orgasm as the clitoris becomes very sensitive (the intensity of this varies from woman to woman, from almost not noticeable to painful). The best bet it to move away from the clitoris temporarily, focusing on the outer parts of the vulva and the vagina. As she becomes less sensitive build the stimulation gradually. If you look at the time following the second orgasm in the sequential graph, you’ll see a rapid loss of arousal, followed by a less rapid loss, and then an upturn in arousal. This upturn is the goal – once this happens it’s only a matter of time till she climaxes again. If the upturn doesn’t occur, don’t keep pushing, she’s done.
Causing multiple orgasms is trickier, and less forgiving if you miss the timing. Expect to “fail” a number of times before you get it right, and to “fail” a few more times after the first “success”. The key here is to back off just a bit, then increase stimulation again before she drops under the orgasm line. If you don’t back off, or push too soon, she’ll probably feel over stimulated, and then it’s over. If you”re too late, she will drop below orgasm and you can try for sequential. The right timing is a learned thing, and it requires being very much in touch with her body. She also has to learn how to do this – she can easily prevent it even without trying, and the first time it does happen it may so please and/or surprise her that two is all she’ll have.
A few things that can help:
- She must trust you completely.
- She must be relaxed physically and mentally.
- She mustn’t be too tired.
- She must be comfortable with the method of stimulation you’re using. If oral makes her uptight, it’s not the way to do this.
- Make sure she’s very comfortable – perhaps put a pillow under each knee.
- Make sure she’s neither too warm nor at all cold.
- If she tends to be dry or gets dry after prolonged stimulation, have an artificial lube available. Making her sore won’t help!
- Be gentle with her sex organs. You’ll be stimulating her longer than usual, so what might be okay for a short time may be too much for a long time.
If learning how she can climax more than once is a mutual goal, then have fun with it, But don’t let it become something that causes stress or a sense of failure. Don’t try it every time you have sex, and don’t nag her about it. If you try a number of times and can’t get there, give it a rest for a few months before you then try again. One study found that more women start having multiple orgasms in their 40’s than any other decade of life, and plenty of women start even later, so you may find it happens easily at some time in the future.
Finally, any sex that you both enjoy is good sex. Trying to give her multiple orgasms, and “only” giving her one is hardly a failure!