Coming Out Day

October 18, 2009

in Beyond the Marriage

Just a warning – this is more of a rant than I usually do here.

Last Sunday (or Monday depending on your location) was “Coming out Day” –  a day for homosexuals to “come out of the closet”. This is accompanied by all manner of ranting by various folks about how homosexual couples are destroying the sanctity of marriage.

My personal opinion is that the sanctity of marriage is being destroyed not by those who don’t believe in it, or those who want to redefine it, but by those who claim to be living it and defending it. What destroys marriage in the eyes of society is Christians – real or self proclaimed – who commit adultery, divorce for boredom, or accept an empty lifeless imitation of marriage. Those who do these things, and those who turn a blind eye to those who do these things, do far more harm to what God intended marriage to be than the unsaved could ever do.

So, for those who want to uphold the sanctity of marriage, I offer a couple of suggestions that I think will do far more good than any protest or law:

1. Live your marriage to the fullest, enjoying it and doing all you can to bless your bride to the fullest. And, do this openly and publicly. Come “out of the closet” and let the world know that you are madly in love with each other, and in appropriate ways, let the world know you are very happy sexually.

2. Don’t turn a blind eye to other followers of Jesus who are having marital problems, or living in sexual sin. The truth is we are our brother’s keeper, and if we don’t help, support, and when needed correct each other, we will all fail.

On the second point – one of the things that has deeply harmed both marriage and the ability of the church to connect with society is the many public divorces, adultery and other sins of well know Christian leaders. This parade of hypocrisy makes it easy for anyone to dismiss all Christians, and the effort by other Christians to defend these fallen folks just makes it worse. Most of the “big name Christian in big sin” stories could have been dealt with sooner and in a much more biblical way – it is rare for something like this to be unknown, there is almost always someone who knows and is either ignoring it, or worse, helping to keep it hidden as it goes on and on. The excuses for this vary, but the bottom line is usually pretty basic – those who refuse to properly deal with the sin are benefiting from the sinner in some way. In a world where everyone covers up for their own, and defends their own no matter how wrong they are, how would society look at Christians if we followed the Bible and dealt with our own? Might we be more respected if we followed what we preach, and refused to allow our own to get away with doing what they tell others is sin?

6 comments
Anthony
Anthony

I don't know if protests do much good. It's very easy for many Christians to either be lovelessly condemning the lost or passively accepting whatever society says is ok, and never become involved in moral issues that face our society. Here in Canada it often seems to be latter; my impression is that, in least in parts of the US, it's the former. It's much harder to try to walk the line between being be truly loving and yet honest about what's right. "Do we get points if they go to hell with a bit less in committed?"--no, but if we truly love, we should want to both help people find Jesus and help our society to be one that protects the vulnerable and allows people the best opportunity to come to the Lord. Thanks again for your ministry!

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

@Anthony - I would not argue that we should make our voice heard, and voter in line with what the Bible says - but I have come to question the value of most formal protest. I have, in the past, picketed pornography and what I saw what that it angered those who did not agree with me. It did not change anyone's mind, and it pushed those folks farther from God - and God is what they really need. I fear that our good intentions too often drown out the love we are supposed to show, while doing nothing to help the situation. We want to pass laws to prevent sin - but how does that help the sinners? Do we get points if they go to hell with a bit less in sin committed? I'd rather introduce folks to Jesus and let Him help them with their sin issues. What I have come to, over 30 years, is this - we are called to lovingly correct those who follow Jesus, but we are not called to correct those who don't follow Him. Those who don't know Him need only one thing - to know Him. Anything we do to help that happen is good, anything we do to hinder that is bad.

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

@mlserv - Thank you so much for what you said - those who follow Jesus very much need to hear this! "This wasn’t about Christ but his followers" is the real issue. There is no one in the USofA who has not heard about Jesus - the problem is not a lack of preaching the gospel, but of living it.

Anthony
Anthony

I totally agree with this one--Christians do more damage by their poor example than anything else. Yet, I don't think that exempts Christians from taking a stand against laws that promote sin and harmful choices. We need to do so in a way that is lovingly firm--"throwing grenades" is far too often the easy, lazy way to go about it, and it completely undermines the effort. But if we love the lost, and we love our kids, we need to work to be involved in affecting the laws that govern our country.

mlserv
mlserv

I am not a Christian. One of the primary reasons I am not a Christian is that I was married to one for 30 years. I have been reading your blog for about 10 years and almost always agree with you even though I sometimes get angry at how you say it. I have tried to be a Christian. I read the Bible, went to church with my wife and kids, pray and read. But I am and I was so confused and ashamed by the behavior of the Christians around me that I didn’t want to be associated with them by name. This wasn’t about Christ but his followers. My wife, whom I still love, left me after promising me she would not and promised to go to counseling after she finished nursing school. The thing I am most angry about is that there will not be even one individual who will look my ex-wife in the eye and tell her that what she is doing is the antithesis of everything she has stood for for 30 years and the very definition of hypocrisy. (Yes I looked it up) She is the cup that looks good on the outside. It appears the church is full of them.

NeilEThere
NeilEThere

Well........my admiration for your Daily Tip and ministry in general has just cranked up a notch, which has come as a surprise because I was already a huge fan. In my life I am way to busy and concerned with my own walk with God, loving my wife and kids, living by example at work and etc and etc to even bother throwing grenades at people who Christ also died for, even if they don't know it. The short version of todays Tip "Remove the log from your own eye before you try and remove the speck from another"

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