I’m all for protecting your bride, but I don’t think defending her when she is wrong is required, and I am sure that attacking those who try to lovingly show her she is wrong is unacceptable. Certainly we can, and I think should, defend her if she is being attacked, but truth in love is not an attack, and should not be treated as such. I do understand the desire to stand up for your wife, and I do understand how going on the attack can turn the attention from something your wife is doing that is not right – but it’s not a right thing to do.
While this issue can harm any man, it is an especially dangerous trap for men in ministry. Any pastor, missionary or other type of Christian leader who is defending his wife’s wrong action or words is putting his wife ahead of truth, and ahead of his responsibility to God and to those he leads. Again, this is not about defending one’s wife, but about defending something that is clearly wrong. This is a good way to destroy a ministry, and/or hurt a lot of people.
All of this aside, I think we have a God given (or should I say God required) responsibility to lovingly deal with our bride when she is wrong. Ideally we do it before someone else gets to her about it. If we have already discussed a siltation, then we can easily deal with others by saying “Thank you, we are working through that – please pray for us.” However, if we fail to bring it up before someone else does, I think that we must take the attempted correction of another as a time to deal with the issue.