Sexual satisfaction

October 31, 2009

in Communication, Sexuality

Of the  50,000+ men who answered the “Great Male Survey“, a mere 13% reported they are entirely satisfied with their sex lives. Of course there are all kinds of problems with a poll like this, but with a result such as that, it seems safe to say a lot of men are less than fully satisfied

If you are among the less than satisfied majority, what would it take for you to say you were entirely satisfied?  Sex more often? More variety? More enthusiasm from your bride, or more enjoyment on her part?  More of a certain act or position? All of the above?

If you are not fully satisfied, you can be sure your bride knows that – even if you try to hide it. But knowing you are less than satisfied, and knowing all of why you are less than satisfied are two very different things. If you argue about one point (like wanting more sex) but don’t discuss all of what you want, she does not have a clear and balanced picture.  Lacking the whole picture, you may seem petty, selfish, or unreasonable, and without all the facts she certainly is limited in how she can improve the situation.

If you are not satisfied, I strongly suggest discussing it with her – but discussing all of it. If she, or you, or both of you, are sick of discussing the issue, maybe start with “I know you know I want ____, but did you know I also desire _____?” If you feel emotionally distant, or disconnected by a sexual lack, let he know that. Let her know you desire her for more than just the physical.

4 comments
The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

@Africord - Very good point! Certainly any discussion needs to be two way, with each of you being honest about your wants, needs, limitations, fears, and so on. As to the role of a GH, in my mind giving my bride a very good understanding of who I am, how I think, and what I enjoy, is very loving. The better she understands me, the better the two of us can function as one. And the better I understand her, the better we function as one. Our problem rather than your problem is certainly the way to go - and the truth in my mind. I also agree that we need to do this in all areas. I brought this up about sex because some couples do fairly well with this in most areas, but not so well with sex.

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

@prov5_18_19 - I she really feels bad, give her a chance to feel she is doing something for you sexually - either her doing it by hand, or holding you while you do. I know this sounds like just trying to "get something", but if she honestly feels she should do something, doing either of these would make her feel better.

Africord
Africord

One concern I have with this approach is that we assume that what ever would increase our satisfaction has no impact on hers or would be a small accomodation at best. That doesn't seem to fulfill the concept of the generous husband. Having said that, an indirect approach would seem to be the best route. In otherwords, discuss what may be occurring outside of the bedroom that is decreasing your satisfaction. An increase in life intimacy could be a big boost to sexual intimacy and satisfaction for both of you. For example, tell her when you are unsatisfied at work, finances, or the pulse of your life. Discuss how that can be improved and focus on teamwork for resolution, not "my life would be better if you...". Moving issues to our problem instead of your problem is a way to grow your marriage.

prov5_18_19
prov5_18_19

My wife is going through many medical problems, so I'm not satisfied, but there is nothing she can do about it right now. The trouble is, she already feels guilty about not being able to participate in sex and any discussion on the matter will just make it worse. So that just leaves me with no one to talk to.

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