The square headed girlfriend

November 12, 2009

in Quality Time, Series

Are you, and/or your bride, spending huge amounts of time on-line and/or gaming?  I’m not talking about an hour or so a day, or an occasional multi-hour run. I’m talking about doing these things for several hours a day, every day.  And I’m talking about doing that when your marriage and/or family really need more of you.

Your wife should not be a game system widow – and you should not be a message board widower.  Even if you do these things together, it can limit time you need for other (more important) forms of contact.

Along similar lines, it is my opinion (shared by some folks who have the credentials to make such evaluations) that it is not healthy for virtually all of your “friends” to be on-line only friends.  Much of what we need in the way of human contact requires actually being in the same room. On-line we don’t get pheromones, we don’t get the same kind of communication we get in real life, and we don’t get physical contact.  Consider it a warning sign of trouble if you or your bride have far more on-line relationships than real life relationships, or spend far more time with “cyber-friends” than with real flesh and blood.

1 comments
troylaplante
troylaplante

Alas, I am all too familiar with this problem. My first wife of 13 years got sucked in to online relationships and even romances. She had a lot of issues with intimacy and depression. She latched on to an American Idol contestant and was absolutely obsessed with him. She was online constantly on message boards and emailing other fans. She sent him birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, and even talked to him on the phone. Eventually she found others online that were allegedly single men. She began talking to them on the message boards, then in private email, and eventually on the phone. She was caught four times having these online affairs. The first one got to be pornographic in nature and they actually were planning a rendezvous, since he lived in the same state. A month after getting caught, they did it again. The third time getting caught was with someone out of state, but they were both married. They kept writing about how much in love they were and wanted to see each other. The final time was with a former fiance of hers and they had actually been seeing each other in private and committing adultery. She had a line up of cyber friends that she convinced that I was controlling and manipulative because I knew something was wrong, snooped a bit, and found her affairs. Of course, they would only get a short, twisted, one sided version of what went on. For instance, when she was caught the first time and I told her that I did not want her having interaction with the man with whom she was planning an affair, all she would write on the message board (I became a member myself just so I could see these things) that I had forbid her from talking to her best friend. NO other details other than that. Her cyber friends jumped on that, saying how controlling I must be and how innocent and victimized she must be. Yes, online relationships can eat away at your time, your life, and steal your relationships. They can ruin your marriage and be adulterous, even if online. If something seems wrong, it probably is. Once I knew the signs the first time, it was easy enough to pick up on them the other 3 times. When behavior changes, online time increases, and productivity in life decreases, know there is something wrong and deal with it. Recognize it in yourself or your spouse.

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