Helping her sing her song

January 18, 2010

in 1 + 1 = 1, Acts of Service, Beyond the Marriage

One of the things Lori and I discuss/teach about when we do a marriage retreat is the importance of helping our spouses to sing their song.  We took this from a bit of video of Tony Fitzgerald in which he talks about a church in which no one goes to their grave with their song unsung.  In a nutshell, each of us has a song, or songs, to sing.  Not being able to sing what is inside you is miserable, and a loving spouse should be all about making sure their wife or husband is able to sing what God put in them.

How we facilitate our spouse singing their song varies a great deal. Maybe you promote your bride, and her song. Maybe you arrange to send her where she needs to go to sing her song.  Maybe the two of you do a duet, or maybe she is the “opening act” for you – or perhaps you are the opening act for her.

Sometimes what you do is neither flashy nor directly related to her singing.  A personal example: my bride is attending a woman’s bible study/fellowship near our home. While it does provide her with needed fellowship, it is also very much a place of ministry, a place for her to sing one of the songs God has given her (reaching out to young wives). Thing is, the gathering sometimes runs long – sometimes very long.  Since the best chances for ministry usually come at the end of a long time together, my bride needs to be free to stay as long as she feels she should.  That means I don’t plan anything that involves her for about seven hours each Thursday. It also means I sometimes do household chores that are usually “her job”.   I find that it’s easier to do those things, even a joy to do them, when I see it as part of what I do to allow my bride to sing the music God has put in her soul.

In the same way that I do things to allow my bride to sing, she does things that make it possible for me to sing the song that God has put in me. Sometimes that is doing things that are usually “my job”, and sometimes that means doing things she is not comfortable doing. I think it is important for me to see what she does, to thank her for it, and to recognise that she is an important part of any song I sing, even if no one sees her working behind the scenes.

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