Are you we or I?

February 3, 2010

in 1 + 1 = 1

You would be hard pressed to be around me for very long and not know that I am married.  I talk about “we” even when my bride is not with me, and talk about what she thinks, says and does a good deal.  That being the case, I found an article entitled “Couples who refer to themselves as ‘we’ are happier than those who say ‘I’, ‘me’ or ‘you‘” very interesting.  Basically, couples who see themselves as we, as a unit, as “one flesh” are happier than those who see themselves as two individuals. Ability to cope with problems, and even long term survival of a marriage, both correlate well with how “we” a couple seems themselves.

There is a bit of a chicken and egg question here – does thinking “one flesh” make things better, or does having a better marriage increase the odds you will think “one flesh”?  I think each would tend to lead to the other, but being raised to see marriage as one flesh has to help.

Regardless of what you grew up with, or what you have lived so far, it’s clear that seeing your marriage as a unit is a good thing for your marriage, and for your personal happiness.  Rewrite your code and reboot!


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