The other side of the story

February 18, 2010

in Marriage Killer, Understanding Her

I am always very aware that there are (at least) two sides to any marriage issue.  An over-the-top example of this showed up here recently in a comment.  (All relevant comments have been removed from the blog.)

The original comment, several months old now, was from a fellow who complained that he had been asking his wife to go out with him to get reacquainted.  He said he did not understand why she was so unwilling to get close to him. He asked for suggestions, and got a couple.

The second comment, left about a week ago, reported to be his wife. The comment was from the same e-mail address. The wife she found the first comment by searching for her e-mail address via Google. I tracked the e-mail to a business the two run together, so I suspect the story is valid.  Her side of the story?  Hubby molested one of their daughters, more than once.  Law enforcement got involved and did its thing, and all the jail time and mandatory follow up has been done. So maybe he thinks she should just forget about it? Or he may think she should give him another chance.

Of course this is an extreme example, but I’ve seen plenty of guys (and gals) completely ignore something major that they have done to their spouse. It’s as if saying “I’m sorry” is supposed to somehow erase all the damage and hurt done by selfish or horrible things they have done – even if they did it over and over for years.

I say this firstly so that each of us can consider what we have done in the past that might not be resolved in our bride’s mind. Secondly, when your friends or co-workers, of either gender, complain about their spouse, please remember that you are hearing one, slanted, side of the story.

1 comments
Eleutheros
Eleutheros

"Secondly, when your friends or co-workers, of either gender, complain about their spouse, please remember that you are hearing one, slanted, side of the story." Well said. When I encounter one who complains about anothers actions or words, I ask that person, "Concerning what you said, what would I hear from (that person) about you?" Complainers, I've found, are mostly manipulators searching for sympathy and thus motivation, to help them keep believing the lies they tell themselves. Generally they are unwilling to face thier own heart of thoughts and examine what they think in thier hearts and why. Why? Because if you change your thoughts, you change your heart. And from my experience, I've found that complainers seem to enjoy the games they play with others emotions and sympathies and sense of fairness to much to desire righteous ways of thinking in their heart of thoughts. There are legitimate problems, don't get me wrong, but for my part, until I have a clear conscience concerning my own actions and words, I recognize that I should have nothing to say but, "I'm sorry." And if I examine my conscience and it is clean concerning my own words and actions, then I find that I can see clearly to help the other person contributing to this legitimate problem understand why this problem exists and what WE can do to solve it. Be good then, just as you were created to be!

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