Earlier this year Corey Allan had a good post entitled “A Good Marriage is the Enemy of a Great Marriage“. I’d like to consider at how the “good is the enemy of great” concept is also true in the marriage bed. I know many men are unwilling to risk what they have, sexually. It’s not that what they have is great, in fact maybe it’s not even that good, but it’s something, and something is better than nothing. What you have is certainly better than less than what you have, no matter how frustrated you might be with what you have. In other words, the good, or even the fair, gets in the way of going for the great.
If you live your entire life that way, never pushing for fear of what you might lose, then I doubt you are going to act differently in bed. But if you are generally more aggressive, if you are not usually willing to settle for the minimum, then ask yourself why you live your sex life differently? Is it really fear of losing what you have, or do you on some level think you don’t deserve better? Alternatively, maybe you think your bride does not think you deserve better? Or, maybe you don’t think you can face the rejection of trying for something and not getting it.
Think about it for a while, and get a firm fix on what you think and feel about this. Then think about how you might discuss this with your bride – not just that you want something better, but your fears about trying. Be honest about your feelings and fears – most women respect that a great deal.
Finally, if you don’t try, you will never know if it could have been better. In ten years, will you look back and wish you had taken the risk? Will a decade of “okay sex” or “not what I really want sex” leave you feeling you did not have as much to lose as you thought? Will future regrets be worse than anything that could have come from going for it?