This is your sex live, this is your sex life on porn.

March 27, 2010

in Sexuality

“BOYS exposed to porn are more likely to indulge in casual sex and less likely to form successful relationships when they grow older, according to research carried out in a dozen countries.” Thus starts an article about a study of how porn affects men who view it as teens. This is one more in a long list of studies that have shown that exposure to porn – even short term exposure – changes how men see women sexually. Those changes are overwhelmingly bad for the women, and that makes it bad for a couple and for their long-term sexual enjoyment together.

Study head Michael Flood said, “We know it is shaping sexual knowledge. Some people may think that is good. But porn is a very poor sex educator because it shows sex in unrealistic ways and fails to address intimacy, love, connection or romance.” This is exactly the problem – porn fails to “teach” some vital aspects of sexuality, while showing as “normal” sex acts that the vast majority of women find difficult, painful, unsatisfying, gross or otherwise undesirable.

Men who have used porn, even if it was a good long time ago, tend to have a great deal if interest in sex acts that are a bit out there. It’s not that most of these acts are inherently wrong, but they are a bit odd, or are mostly enjoyed by men, and by very few women. Often these men feel denied because their bride is not fulfilling their personal list of porn favorite acts. He won’t take no as “no, never”, he always hears is as “not now, ask me again later”. Each “rejection” hurts him, causing a build up of anger and resentment that eventually boils over in an ugly confrontation, a relapse into porn, or something worse.

If you have any porn use in your past, assume that your view of sexuality has been skewed – and skewed far more than you can see from where you are. Focus on the simple, the “normal” and most importantly on the acts your bride seems to enjoy. Learn to enjoy the sex your bride is willing to engage in, and you will both be happier in the long run.

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