Earlier this week I was clearing a backlog of marriage prayer requests on The Marriage Bed. There are a few types of pray requests I see repeatedly:
- Ask God to change/fix my spouse.
- God, cause my spouse to forgive my sins (my many, many sins) against him/her.
- God, show my spouse I have really changed this time.
- Show my spouse I am not _____ the way s/he thinks I am.
- Make my spouse leave the other man/woman and come back to me.
I see three glaring problems there – requests for God to violate free will, a lack of responsibility for one’s own actions, and a failure to ask God for self-change and self-correction.
I recall one rather long request from a woman who said her husband thought she was controlling. She didn’t see it, and wanted him to stop seeing her that way. She then when on to say a number of things that seemed very controlling. I appreciate that she could not see it, but rather than asking God for the ability to see herself clearly, she asked God to make her husband not see her as she was. I don’t think God will answer that prayer, and her failure to be open to the possibility that He might want to show her she is controlling robbed her of the chance to grow.
My suggestion: when you pray about your marriage, or your bride, always assume that you don’t see the situation the way it really is. Also, assume you don’t see yourself or your bride 100% accurately. Then give God the opening to improve your understanding, and to lead you to any correction or change that you need. Even when you are sure you are right, and she is wrong, leave an opening for God to change your perspective
Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
How Often Do You Touch Your Spouse?: I am all about more touch, so this great post about the process of becoming more touchy with one’s spouse jumped out at me.
6 Ways to Kick Boredom Out of the Bedroom: Some great open ended ideas.
How To Break Free Of Marital Gridlock: Corey continues to stimulate and challenge my thinking. What a blessing to read something from someone with a different view point.
The Danger of Flirting: Sure you know it’s dangerous, but do you think about it? Do you know how dangerous it can be?
Loving a Woman’s Body: This one is for the women – “What if we loved our bodies like our husbands do?”
What are the Best Divorce Predictors?: What is the best predictor of divorce? “the number-one predictor of divorce is the habitual avoidance of conflict”. If you are a confilict avoider, you need to read this one!
Outlast Your Marriage’s Stupid Phase: Great title, and some great thoughts.