Workarounds

April 6, 2010

in Good Marriage, Understanding Her

So, when your preferences clash with your bride’s preferences, how do you work it out?

Sometimes you can compromise, but given that a compromise means you are both dissatisfied, it is often better to go with one preference or the other. If one of you feels much more strongly about an issue, and that person does not ALWAYS feel more strongly, then it is loving and reasonable to go with the person who has the stronger feeling.

However, there are times when you can bypass the issue with a bit of thinking.  Workarounds are the best option, because no one is left dissatisfied. My favourite example of a preference workaround comes from my parents. My mom despised having hair on the bar of soap in the shower – it just really grossed her out I guess. My father not only didn’t care, he didn’t notice. Early in their marriage, this became a major point of friction. The solution was not for her to “get over it” or for him to find a way to remember to de-hair the soap after each shower – instead they bought a second soap-dish, and each had their own bar of soap.

Part of the beauty of the solution is that it meant that each of them was tacitly admitting that their own preference was not “right” and that the other’s preference was not “wrong”. Their willingness to admit this allowed them to find a workaround that worked till my dad died. (I’ve often wondered what she did with “his” bar of soap after he was gone).

Now if you will excuse me, I’m off to put another toilet paper holder in the bathroom.

1 comments
quercus
quercus

We actually have 2 coffeemakers on the counter for the same reason.

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