Single minded leaves her no choice?

April 8, 2010

in Communication, Understanding Her

We often praise a single-minded man as one who knows his own heart and direction. But, what if single-minded is more like closed-minded? Making up our minds before we discuss things with our brides leaves them with no real choice; she must choose to go along, get out of our way, or argue with us. Not much of a choice.

I tend to think through things a lot way too much, and often this means I have completely decided something before I share it with Lori. Even if I am still open to her thoughts, odds are she will say something and I will quickly explain why that won’t work. Having already considered all the options, I think I have all the answers. Even if I have all the answers (a rather big “even”) it looks to her as if I am not considering what she says. I seem to shoot down her thoughts before she even has them fleshed out.

On the other hand, since women are usually more verbal than men are, some guys feel run over when they discuss things with their wife. Working it out in their own head seems wise in that situation – unless doing so means her thoughts won’t be considered. Maybe there is a balance – getting a good handle on it in your mind before you discuss it with her, but not getting to a solution without her.

3 comments
Joel Penner
Joel Penner

I wish someone would have taught me this years ago. I grew up with a dad who did not model this. So I learned to get run over by mom or else be put in the doghouse when I tried to get her to slow down. I definitely earn big marks from my future wife whenever she feels listened to and I acknowledge her good ideas... and I'm always glad I listened.

UK Fred
UK Fred

Surely this is the whole purpose of husbands submitting to their wives and loving them as Christ loves his church. If we husbands do not love then the marriage is a sham and not worthy of the name marriage. Is it not written "Man sharpens man as iron sharpens iron." By all means agree on a goal and focus on that goal in a particular area of your life, but do not ride roughshod over your partner.

Eleutheros
Eleutheros

Wow! Does this ever ring true with me! Yes it's very annoying to my bride when I do this. So I've developed two strategies. The first is that she has a right to tell me to be quiet and listen when she perceives I do this, fully expecting that I won't react negatively as if I 'took it personally'. However, I hate it when that happens! So, the second strategy is for me to shut myself up and make myself hear her with my ears and my mind, just as if she were presenting to me something I hadn't thought of... and guess what? She usually does present me with something I hadn't thought of! And then, no matter what she may have said, I praise her for her insightfulness and thank her for being my bride. My such a smile I get! No wonder she loves me so much! :)

Previous post:

Next post: