Post sexual touch

April 9, 2010

in Physical Touch

Do you touch your bride after sex? How you touch her after sex, and how much you touch her after sex, both say a lot to her about you: about how you feel about her. The worst-case scenario is the guy who is all touchy when he wants sex, but does not touch at all after sex. It’s not difficult to figure out the message that sends to a woman.

Ideally, you want to touch her more after sex than at any other time. Aside from sending a very positive message (I love you even when I am not looking for sex) it’s a great time to touch her because she should be physically and emotionally open to being touched. Because of this, she will benefit from the touch a great deal.

What kind of touch? It should not be overly sexual (or completely non-sexual, depending on the woman), but it should be intimate. Rubbing and/or scratching her back, stroking her legs, massaging her butt, and touching her face are all good. You know her body and where she likes to be touched, so do what makes her feel good.

Finally, please don’t use the “Sex makes me sleepy” excuse to not give your bride some post-sex touch. You can stay awake if you try, and frankly, she’s worth the effort.

Tagged as: nonsexual

HERE

{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }

Eleutheros April 9, 2010 at 6:00 am

Yes and yes! But let’s face it, when a man has a good orgasm, his body wants to put him to sleep!
So, one of the things I do is to talk with her while cuddling, joke with her, ‘tease’ her playfully, do anything to engage her and you. There’s nothing better for Eros than a time of laughter after making love. Also, if your bride hasn’t figured out this biological fact about men for herself, inform her of it. My bride understands this and takes no offense at it because she is satisfied with our engagements apart from sex. And so, many times she just cuddles into me while I lay on my back and take a 15 minute siesta, from which I awake ready to engage her in talk or playful banter or anythig else she might want.

It’s all a part of being good, just like you were created to be!

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James Poteet April 9, 2010 at 4:49 pm

I agree with Eleutheros. We’re designed to fall asleep after sex. God made us that way. It’s not an excuse, it’s a fact. Sex does not make me sleepy, it knocks me out like I’ve been hit with a tranquilizer dart. I would think that as much research as you do that you of all people would know this. If we weren’t supposed to fall asleep after sex then why did God design us this way?

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Alisa Bowman April 10, 2010 at 5:40 am

I’m about to say something totally unexpected here, but here goes: I am a woman who does not like to cuddle after sex. Since my husband is the typical guy who doesn’t like to cuddle either, we’re good. But I think, in life, there are post-sex cuddlers and post-sex-non-cuddlers. It just depends on what type of person you are. I will say, though, that it’s important to touch each other in non “I want to have sex” ways. Otherwise the lower drive person will eventually tense up whenever she’s touched because the touch feels almost predatory. My husband and I touch e/o multiple times a day and we have the best hugs, but we only have sex maybe once a week.
.-= Alisa Bowman´s last blog ..Are you bored in bed? =-.

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landschooner April 11, 2010 at 4:21 pm

…..I always cuddle my wife after sex. Frankly its the only time I can do it without being extremely frustrated. My wife is a nominal refuser so sex is pretty rare in our house. No amount of anything makes any difference really. (Sure I get that sex-induced fatigue, but for me its like a fog that lifts in a few minutes, then I’m alert again so I just try to push through it) Anyway, I ‘m very touchy cuddly AFTER sex and for a few days after, but as sex is generally nowhere on the horizon, its days after sex that I stop cuddling and touching. I do the exact opposite of being predatory. I withdraw from her. Its actually when I want sex that I get less touchy in self protection. She loves the cuddling and touching but eventually I can’t take it anymore. Slept last night at the very edge of the bed so I didn’t have to touch her at all. Of course, she rolled over to find me. I was like “great.” I married a cuddly, touchy, romance loving refuser.

Anyway, I’m making a short story long. The point is, its specifically AFTER sex that I can cuddle with abandon. I can hold her for hours, I love holding her close. Actually my favorite way to sleep is wrapped around her. But eventually the lack of anything sexual from her drives me away.

I love my wife. I love being with her and I love being her husband. And I can’t stand her and I wish I was single. Being single was sexually frustrating, but at least I could do other things you know? I used to Scuba dive and fly airplanes or I’d hop on my motorcycle and go for a 4 hour drive. I haven’t gone scuba diving since I got married 18 years ago. Sold my bike to buy a car to take my wife on dates, and gave up flying when my first child was born 15 years ago. Too expensive all of it. I thought being married would be worth it. It is logically. It is on paper. The kids are a blessing. You’re their hero just because you’re Dad you know? Even to my teenager. I’m covered in love……….but my kids aren’t my marriage………..and marriage to a non sexual woman is just maddening. I gave it up a couple years ago, but I’ve started again to ask God to please take away my libido. I know God designed sex to be a blessing and as a gift to married folks but in this fallen word, in this fallen marriage its been a curse to me mostly.
You know that oft used description about flying or other activities as 99% boredom and 1% sheer terror? For me married sex is 99%-despair 1%-ecstasy…….course I know folks that have it much worse than I. I don’t know how they cope. They are stronger than me.

On TMB Leah-in-Music-City had a thread “How do you cope?” ……I remember writing a post saying that I count my blessings. That’s what the Lord seems to keep reminding me. Count your Blessings. Its hard to do sometimes. I need to work on keeping this from overshadowing everything. That isn’t right. To be honest, I don’t know how to be happy in a relatively sexless marriage. It feels like being on a diet but sleeping in the food pantry. How do you shut it out?

Well, that was a long comment with a huge tangent. I’m just really having a hard day today.

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Temple April 11, 2010 at 10:41 pm

Alisa, I’m a woman who doesn’t care for cuddling either, but my husband does, LOL! He loves to cuddle after sex! He definitely doesn’t not want to go to sleep right after. He’s often ready to go for another round!

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