Fear of her growing or changing

April 28, 2010

in Her Needs, Understanding Her

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” (Albert Einstein)

Do you fear your bride changing? Do you do things to try to keep her from changing?

Women tend to change through their adult lives more than men do. Yeah, that’s a gross generalization, but in my experience it’s true. I think women are more pushed into roles when they are young than we guys are, so they are more likely to need to change to become who they really are. Women also have more of a major life change as the kids grow up and then move away – even in today’s society. Again, that leaves them ripe for change. On the other side, men tend to be more devoted to the status quo, especially as we age.

The bottom line is your bride will change over time, and you can’t stop that. Your attempts to stop it won’t work – they may cause the change to be hidden, but it’s still going on. Beyond hiding the change, opposing it will cause problems between the two of you.

My suggestion is to see the changes not as changes, but as growth. She is learning who she is, and what she loves, and she is growing into that. If you encourage her growth, and excitedly involve yourself in that growth, you can be a part of it. If you oppose or ignore her growth, then she is developing a life that does not include you, and that’s not a good thing.

Embrace who she is, and who she is becoming, and you can be an important part of both.

1 comments
Nathan Martin
Nathan Martin

My wife left me the following comment on a notepad: "The statement 'I love you just the way you are' doesn't last a lifetime because we change as we get older. So instead say, 'Will you love me even when I change?'" I've taped that to my desk where I can see if every day. I married a wise woman! Blessings, Nathan

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