What do you do if you are no longer “in love” with your bride?
Not feeling love is no excuse to end a marriage, or to stop doing what is right. The good news is not feeling love can be reversed. I am a firm believer that love is a choice, not a feeling. The feeling, which is wonderful and which we all desire, can flow from the choice, from a commitment to love.
It is interesting to look at India where there are two kinds of marriage – “arranged marriages” and “love marriages”. Not surprisingly, love marriages start with much higher levels of love and happiness. However, as the years go by, the love of those in arranged marriages surpasses that of those in love marriages. One study said that at ten years, those in arranged marriages were twice as in love as those who married for love. (story here) The point here is that couples who started without love, who sometimes don’t even know each other before marriage, manage to develop love which is stronger than that of couples who start out feeling “in love”. Those couples grow love where it did not exist, and if they can do it, any couple that has “fallen out of love” can do it too.
I think “Fake it till you make it” is valid here. Our feelings can follow our actions – if we do the things that love would do, loving feeling will follow. This is especially true if we expect the feelings to follow our actions.