So, I’m telling you that you should spend more time on her breasts, and many of you are thinking “Yeah, if only”. There are exceptions, but in reality, the majority of women response to proper breast and nipple play with arousal. The key there is “proper”.
Before some how-to, some statistics. Yes, there has been research on this! In one study, 82% of women said that breast/nipple stimulation caused arousal or enhanced becoming arousal, while a mere 7% said breast/nipple stimulation decreased their arousal. Additionally, 78% of the women said that nipple stimulation increased their arousal once they were aroused.1
That said, there are some common reasons women don’t enjoy or don’t want breast/nipple stimulation:
- He’s too rough. Her breasts are sensitive! That skin is soft, and is loaded with nerve endings.
- He starts too fast and furious. She does not suddenly want you all over her breasts; she wants you to be gentle and slowly work up to it.
- He grabs her breasts during day. I know how tempting they look, but grabbing them when her head is elsewhere is annoying to her, and may put her breasts on the no-go list.
- Past problems. Be it you or someone else, if breast play has been a problem in the past, she may just not want to go there.
- He stops too soon. Giving her pleasure this way is a learned experience for both of you. Give it time, both in terms of how long you do it each time you try, and trying many times. She may learn to enjoy it if you give her the chance.
- She thinks it won’t feel good. Sex is largely a function of our minds, and our minds can increase or decrease the pleasure of any stimulation. If she does not expect it to feel good, odds are it won’t, no matter what her body is telling her brain. This can be tied to self-image issues, fear about what you think about her breasts, or expectations based on past experience or things she has read or heard.
A few things to be aware of:
- Size makes a difference: In general, small breasts are more sensitive than large ones. (One study found that large breasts were 24% less sensitive than small breasts.)3 This means large breasts can usually handle stronger simulation. However, smaller breasts can handle more movement than larger ones. 2
- Nipples are the opposite: Large nipples have more nerve endings, and thus are more sensitive.2
- Stretching of nerves reduces their sensitivity 3: So if she has large breasts, and particularity if her breasts droop, she may feel more if she is on her back.
- Surgery reduces sensitivity: Be it cancer surgery, augmentation, or reduction, nerve damage and/or stretching of nerves results in some loss of sensitivity.
- Her hormones change her breasts: Her monthly hormonal cycle can have a significant effect on her breasts. Increased sensitivity, reduced sensitivity, and soreness are all possible. In general, she will be most sensitive mid-cycle, with soreness as she approaches menstruation.
- Babies change things up: Both giving birth and nursing will change her breasts. Long term both her breasts and nipples can end up either more or less sensitive, but most of the time pregnancy permanently reduces nipple sensitivity.2 Nursing mothers often don’t want their breasts to be touched, but a minority find it much better when they are nursing.
How to:
- Studies have found that the top quadrant of the breast (from about 10 o’clock to 2 o’clock) is the most sensitive 2, so focus there if she’s not feeling much, and go lightly there if she is over stimulated.
- The areola, the dark ring around the nipple, is nicely sensitive, so don’t miss it.
- The nipple is not very sensitive to touch. This means it can take a good deal of stimulation, and for some women nipple stimulation is very arousing – in a small percentage of women it can actually lead to orgasm all by its self. Gentle pulling, by hand or mouth, may feel good, but twisting should be limited. Brushing over the erect nipples can be pleasurable, and can be done very lightly or more firmly.
- A bit of lubricant on her breasts can make your touch feel even better, and can reduce the chance of irritation the next day if you do a lot of breasts/nipple play.
- Start on the outer edges of the breast and work in – s l o w l y. Take your time, anticipation is a great arouser, and delaying an expected touch (of say her nipples) can be a real turn on.
- Gently (as in not to hard) massage her entire breast. Use both hands if she is large, or one hand on each if she is smaller.
- In the shower, wash her breasts – with a long, soapy massage.
- From behind (spooning, or standing behind her) nibble her ear or bite her neck as you play with her breasts.
- Use one finger to gently trace shapes on her breasts. Work in circles from the outer edge in, till you are making tight circles around her nipple.
- Teeth can hurt, use sparingly and carefully. Your tongue and lips are much better for giving her pleasure.
- Sucking her nipples will probably feel good, but there is a fine line between maximum pleasure and “Don’t do that”.
- Some women like breast hickies, most don’t. Find out which she is, and act accordingly.
- Soft skin and well trimmed nails are a must if you expect your hands to be on her breasts!
- Breasts are not just for foreplay. A bit of well timed breast or nipple stimulation can take her over the top in a big way. Doing this is tricky during oral sex, but more of a possibility during manual. Also possible in some intercourse positions,
- Don’t ignore them after sex. Including her breasts in after-play lets her know you like them for more than just sex – and that’s important to her.
1 Nipple/Breast Stimulation and Sexual Arousal in Young Men and Women
2 Normal Cutaneous Sensibility of the Breast
3 Dr. Alan Matarasso’s comments on a University of Vienna study, no source available
(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)
Loading ...
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Okay Paul, I think this is a good article, but I read this after I read this thread on TMB http://www.boards.themarriagebed.com/viewtopic.php?f=94&t=42132 where the majority of the respondents said they did NOT like breast and nipple play. So which is right??? I know ………. they are probably both are. I have gone through married life believing what you wrote above, that most women like it. But now I am wondering if many women tolerate it because they know their husbands like it, even though they don’t like it or it causes them pain.
I know that surgery definitely decreases pleasure since my wife has decreased pleasure after her lumpectomy/reduction surgeries. She has basically told me I am wasting my time there, even though I like it.
@Skip – I have said a number of times that the TMB surveys are fun but totally worthless. Aside from being a very non-random group, it’s opt in. Opt-in studies tend to get those who feel strongly, and especially those with an ax to grind. SO you will have a disproportionate number of women who think breast stimulation is the best thing in the world (a small group I think) and those who REALLY dislike it.
The study I mentioned was done of a well selected cross section of people (it did men and women) so I would have a lot more faith in it. I would note the group of women was young and I would guess mostly single, but those things should not change the results significantly, other than mental/emotional issues which might well be more common as a woman ages.
This is really good stuff here!
Of course, my reply isn’t ‘reliable’ for all, but I certianly know how much my precious one enjoys much of what you describe here- she will climax just from breast stimulation alone, if *I* set her up for it.
I want to add two more things to your excellent ‘honey-do’ list.
Do all of these things in front of a mirror so she can watch you. Then put on a show. Also you can provide her with a large hand mirror (we keep one in her bedside drawer- it is a very useful item!) so she can watch you from different angles. ( Of course, a good perception of her own body is assumed anytime a mirror is introduced into love-making)
After first dwelling on one and then the other do both nipples simultaneously by cupping her breast close together and flicking your tounge rapidly over both of them. This is easy enough on medium to large breasts and for us it works well toward bringing her to climax. I can’t speak of whether this will work with smaller breasted women ‘ cause I have no experience there to speak from.
Just my two cents worth for knowing how to be good for her!
And that’s being good, just as I was created to be!