Shakeing things up a bit

June 17, 2010

in Sexuality

I realise this one is pushing the limits for some of you – or your bride. When in doubt, don’t push, you can do more harm than good. However, if you’ve never tried a vibrator, and have thought about it, this post is for you.

One common concern I hear is that a woman will become “addicted” to a vibrator. She fears she will lose the ability to climax without it, he fears he might be replaced by it. In reality, neither of these fears is something that happens. Being relational, no woman is going to choose a vibrator over the man she loves. As to “damaging a woman’s body” (as claimed by one web site, with no supporting evidence) it’s just not so. Yes, prolonged strong vibrations -like years of running a jackhammer – can damage the body. However, a vibe used for sexual pleasure is significantly less powerfully than a jackhammer, and normally it’s not used several hours a day five days a week!

So all of that aside, here is what a vibrator can provide:

  • A new way to give each other pleasure. A vibe can be used on either of you, and can be used for foreplay or to reach climax.
    • On her: Let her help you learn where she wants the vibe, and how strongly she wants it running. Most women will want to be somewhat aroused before the vibe is used. She will probably want contact to be away from the clitoris initially, and she will most likely want weaker vibrations to start than she will want as she approaches climax. She will almost certainly not want the vibe just held in one place. It’s an extension of you, a tool that you have to operate to give her pleasure.
    • On you: Unless it’s fairly powerful, it’s unlikely that you will feel much pleasure other than when it’s applied to the head of your penis. The underside will likely produce the best sensation. Have her try both firmly pressing it in and gently moving it on the surface.
  • A more sure way for her to climax when she is aroused but having trouble. For some women the ability to orgasm is hit-or-miss, with no seeming predictability. Such a woman can be very, very aroused and find climax elusive. Another time with the same level of arousal, climax happens easily. This is understandably quite frustrating, and it makes a woman less willing to be sexual because she is never sure if she will end feeling good or frustrated. A vibe can offer such a woman a backup plan – a sure way of getting needed release if she has trouble reaching climax. If you use a vibe for this, you need to let her decide when it’s time for her to “give up” and go to the vibe. If you are having intercourse and she indicates she is stuck and you should go ahead and climax, don’t argue or keep going, finish up so she can move to the vibe. Ultimately it’s best if you learn how to use the vibe when she needs it, but the first few times it may be better for her to do it so she can learn just what is needed – then she can teach you. Also, realise that by the time she switches to the vibe she is approaching frustration, and what she needs is to climax as quickly and simply as possible. This is not the time to tease her or to try to work her up to a really good one!
  • A way for her to climax from intercourse if she rarely or never does. An egg or bullet vibe (such as those pictured) can be fit between your bodies in any face-to-face position. The vibe is positioned so that it’s over her clitoris, and is held in place by your body. The normal movements of intercourse moves the vibe in a way that significantly adds to the pleasurable stimulation. (A side note, some women have used this as a way to learn to climax during intercourse without the vibe. Once they are able to orgasm with it, they turn it down and then off shortly before climax. By gradually turning it off earlier and earlier, some women learn to climax without it. Other women never learn to do it without, but are thrilled to be able to do it at all while making love.)
  • A way for you to climax if you have difficulty.  If you have difficulty reaching climax, a very strong vibrator (one that plugs into the mains) may work for you. Let her drive, with you giving instructions, so she is a part of it. If that does not work, figure out how to do it while she watches, then let her take over after a few times.

If you want to get a vibe, I highly recommend Book22 (source of the images above). Book22 has a very clean site, no nudity at all.  Packaging is also clean.

7 comments
WR
WR

Eleutheros, We knew what you meant. Anyone who didn't needs to get a sense of humor. God Bless, WR

Eleutheros
Eleutheros

After I posted this, I realized that because of what modern, medieval Christians are taught about 'submission' from the English versions of the writings of Paul, that when I used the word "permission" in my last post, my relationship with my wife might be mis-understood. When I used the word "permission" I was referring to the sexual freedom I can give my wife by my glad acceptance of her and her sexuality (what turns her on). It's a matter of acknowledging her needs, not from some kind of authority imposed over her, but from a heart that loves her and wants to see her experience joy in my presence. It is an erotic kind of permission that sets her free to experience her sexuality, the way she wants, in my presence and even when I'm not there, without the fear that she is 'doing something wrong'. I likewise have that same kind of erotic 'permission' from her. I'm sorry about having to write this follow up, I hope it doesn't dampen the enthusiasim for these excellent posts Paul is putting out, but I feel I have to offer this clarification, now, for what I wrote and that because of what is taught as truth about marraige relationships in far to many denominations. Be good then, just as you were created to be!

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

@Eleutheros - The funny things is I am using the word permission in my next (Sunday) tip. Paul

Eleutheros
Eleutheros

I've read many times where a wife has her first orgasm with a vibrator, even after years of having sex. And that this has awakened her to sex, much to the gratefulness of her husband. Here's a thought: Women have a clitoris, men do not. The sole purpose of the clitoris is to create pleasure for her, when stimulated. And the men that I know, including me, love to watch their lovers stimulated! So, a vibrator or two or three are a good thing to have to ensure that she always has a chance at an orgasm when making love. And this is very, very important. Sometimes my own precious one needs a little more help than I can give and so she always has my permission, with pleasure, to pleasure herself. Ryan, a favorite is the erocillator. http://www.eroscillator.com/ (no forbidden pics) Trust me, it is well worth the cost for the deluxe model 2. I installed a discrete power plug into her bedside table, just below the mattress line, so she can use it anytime, with ease. Giving gifts like this are being good, for her and for you, just as you promised to be for each other, when you married.

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

Anything that looks like any of those pictured should work. You can get them for under $15, up to maybe double that. The size of the vibrator head may or may not matter depending on how it is used. Do you want to be able to hold it well, or tuck it between the two of you? In general, a larger head will give stronger vibrations. Very small heads basically buzz, which if not what most folks prefer. Variable speed is nice. A soft cover over the vibe is also nice. Paul

JM
JM

Great article! I've been wanting to discuss this with my wife for some time. We've been married 9 years and she's never climaxed. Also, not to be a Grammar Nazi, but "Shaking" is spelled with no "E."

Ryan
Ryan

Can anyone recommend a specific model? There seems to be so many to choose from.

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