Do you have solid, reliable anchor points in your marriage?
By that, I mean something that is consistent, something that can be counted on, something that is going to be there even when times are tough, life is busy, or things are just crazy.
We all need something we can count on to “tie off to” from time to time, and we especially need that when life it crazy, difficult, or busy. This is one of the reasons that we tend to slip into things like alcohol, drugs, porn use, and other vices when life is hard. These things both comfort us and give us something that is always there, and always the same. If there are anchor points with your spouse, the things life throws at you will actually result in your relationship growing stronger and deeper. On the other hand, if your marriage lacks anchor points, difficulties will divide you and your spouse, and leave your marriage in trouble.
The making of anchor points has to happen during “normal life”. Select actives or events that you both enjoy, or that have meaning to both of you. Make those things habits.
For example: If the two of you like to walk together, make it a habit to take a walk after dinner at least several times a week. Then when life is crazy, a short walk together is a chance to connect to that anchor. In addition to enjoying the walk, and the time together, it reminds you of how you usually feel when you walk together, and it ties you to the more normal times of your life.
Real life example: My bride and I used to play a lot of backgammon. When she was in the hospital for the birth of our son, and labour was moving slowly, I pulled dice and coins out of my pocket and drew a backgammon board on paper. Engaging in a game that we played together so often helped her to feel better.
Other options would be a special food treat the two of you share, seasonal things you do, certain music, and so on. (Please leave other ideas in the comments.)