A recent story – Sex after 45 ‘infrequent, brief and low quality’ – makes it sound like sex starts going downhill at 30, and by 50 you might as well forget about it. I’m here to tell you that it does not have to be that way. I’m 49, and honestly it’s still getting better every year. I’ve talked to men and women ten, twenty and more years older than I who said it was still awesome.
Below are a few of the findings of the study on sex among older couples, in my words, and my comments on those findings
- 85% only had sex in the bedroom, 64% always have the lights off, and the majority use only one position.
— Nothing wrong with “vanilla”, but this suggests some repression or boredom, both of which will kill a sex life, especially after the lust of youth is gone. (See A week plus of sex tips for a series of tips on spicing up your sex life)
- For the average 45-year, sex occurs once a week.
— In reality that’s just not enough to sustain good sex, much less make it better. Practice is important.
- On average sex, including foreplay, lasts 22 minutes.
— Really? Why bother!? A quickie can be fun, but good sex takes time.
- A third of people said they had cut sex short due to becoming too tired to continue.
— This one I find rather scary – especially given how short sex tends to be for most. If you can’t do half an hour, you are asking for problems both in and out of bed. On the other hand, sex is an awesome aerobic workout.
Sex can be good for your entire life, if you work at it. However, it will take some work. Just because it’s as easy as falling into bed at 25 does not mean it will always be that way. Be ready to address problems as they arise. Ignoring sexual issues just makes them worse, and often there is a short window of opportunity for easily fixing things.
Useful link: Having erection problems? Frank Talk is an outstanding web resource for this issue. It’s not Christian, and it has a very few images of male genitalia, but it’s well done, clean, and not selling a lot of crazy products. I learned a couple of things I did not know in a few minutes there.