Contain your monster

July 6, 2010

in Marriage Killer, YOU4HER

Ever had an internal argument about your bride? Part of you is angry, accusatory, and even vengeful, while another part of you is trying to see her side, give her the benefit of the doubt, or just forgive her even if she’s wrong.

I must confess I’ve waged this battles number or times. The part of me that is hurt wants to listen to the monster within, wants to make my bride see what she did wrong, wants her to feel bad for what she did, and yes, even wants her to PAY for what she did. The selfish part of me does not care about extenuating circumstances or differences in perception, and my monster is all too ready to feed this, arguing with my thinking she may not have done it on purpose, and telling me “Yes, she was aware of what she was doing”. If I give that monster half a chance, he will get me to thinking my bride is something other than the wonderful, godly woman that I know she is.

Over the years I have fought the monster successfully enough times that it has become fairly easy to defeat him. I have learned that the monster lies, and that I should not consider anything he says for even a moment. However, these things does not keep him from trying, especially when I’m tired or stressed. I have the upper hand now, but I know that I could lose that if I was not diligent.

What about you – do you have one of those monsters? Is it well contained?

Note: This post was inspired by When mom turned into a monster over at Simple Marriage.

3 comments
Wilbur Holz
Wilbur Holz

I have often thought of it as a tape which gets playing and stuck playing in my head. Am I going to keep listening to the tape, the voice, the monster in me which attacks my bride or do I want to listen to the tape, the voice which reminds me what a gift, what a treasure she is? When I do well, I choose the latter of course.

Pearl Mattenson
Pearl Mattenson

Love where you took this and your awareness of your own monsters. I just want to put in aplug for a little more compassionate curiousity toward your monster. I guess I think that if you listened to the monster a little more, dug a little deeper for what is behind the need to see your wife pay for what she did wrong, you might learn something abuot the dissapointed dreams and the fears. And you could reassure it. And the whole exchange could actually be more peaceful.

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