I talked yesterday about not “protecting” your bride from the truthful but hurtful comments of others. Today I want to take that even further. First, a disclaimer – if your bride is too fragile to deal with the truth, if she is too set in her ways to change, or if she is just too selfish to care, then none of this really matters. However, if she wants to grow and become a better person, you can and should be a major factor in that in her life.
That means being honest with her, even if that honesty will make her feel bad. I’m very much about the truth in love, but don’t let the love part cut out any of the truth. We can’t deal with things we don’t see as problems, and human nature is such that we all tend to have major blind spots in our lives. We do things that hurt others and miss it because we are focused on us. We don’t see how others see us, because we don’t see ourselves from outside our own skin. We need help to see ourselves as others see us, and only when we have this can we learn, grow, and become better people.
Ever wonder what happens to those who get no honest feedback? If you look at scandals involving televangelists, politicians, sports figures, or actors, one common thread in these individuals’ lives is that no one questions them, and no one dares to suggest anything they think or do is wrong. Without a voice of reason, without some challenge to poor thoughts and bad impulses, it is frighteningly easy for anyone to fall into all manner of stupidity and sin.
If you want your bride to become a monster, or to start following increasingly bizarre ideas, just tell her she is fine and defend her against anyone who says she is not. If you want better for her, risk telling her the truth even when it’s going to be painful.