Behind close doors

July 17, 2010

in Sexuality, Understanding Her

A song that was popular when I was a young had this chorus:

“And when we get behind closed doors then she lets her hair hang down
And she makes me feel like I’m a man
Oh, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors

~ Charlie Rich, Behind Closed Doors

I’ve always liked the privacy shown there – what they did sexually was very good, but it was private. It was hidden from others, protected, personal. What I’ve since learned is that this kind of sexual privacy is very important to most women. For some it is so important they won’t have sex if they don’t feel they have privacy, while others will have sex but not enjoy it without that sense of privacy.

We guys, however, tend to be less concerned with privacy. Not necessarily unconcerned, but less concerned. There is also a male tendency to want others to know a bit about our sex life – at least to know we have one! It’s a bragging thing maybe, or one-upmanship. Regardless of why, if you don’t take sexual privacy as seriously as our bride does, you are probably limiting her enjoyment of sex, and/or hurting your sex life.

What does she need to feel sexually private? She needs to feel sure no one will walk in on you (that means a lock on the door if there is anyone in the house who is able to turn a door knob) and she needs to sure no one will hear you having sex (do whatever that takes, including holding back if there are others in ear shot range). She may also need to feel no one is aware she is having sex when it’s happening, even if no one sees or hears it.

Another part of sexual privacy is mental. She needs to feel sure you are not talking to your buddies about your sex life, does not want you to drop innuendos about having sex with her in-front of others. Unless she is very uptight, she will be okay with folks thinking the two of you have a sex life, but she probably doesn’t want it to go much further than that.

And yes, I know there are exceptions to this. I also know that at least some of the exceptions are a wife trying to be what she thinks she should be – either bowing to pressure from her husband or from society. The majority of women will enjoy sex more if they feel more private.

1 comments
Scott
Scott

You are right on with this one. You'd think I'd learn, but I can't count how many times, when things are just getting fired up, I get asked, "did you lock the door?" To which I normally must only shrug and hop out of bed. And many times I hear "ssshhhhh!" as well. Seems I am not nearly as aware as she is about these things. You had me nodding as I read. .-= Scott´s last blog ..Same Kind of Different =-.

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