Some of the comments on my Hints are for puzzles post discussed hinting for sex. Here is one comment that I suspect many can relate to:
“…the reason I hinted was so that I or we didn’t ruin the entire evening. If it’s a rejected hint, then she can pass it off as not getting the hint and I can just let it slide. If I put myself out there completely then its much harder to hide the disappointment and she has to face the disappointment and it ruins the evening.
Basically I wanted to have sex with my wife, not to end the evening with a downer, which is usually what my sexual overtures did.”
Been there, done that, rarely got her T-shirt off.
I understand how not really talking about it saves frustration and lowers the risk of a confrontation that ruins the evening, or the week, or… On the other hand, maybe avoiding the confrontation also means avoiding doing anything that makes for a real change. Imagine it from her perspective – if you hint, if you don’t outright ask, isn’t that an indication that it’s not really that important? You say it’s important, but your actions say something else. Your actions say you’d like to, but it’s not important enough for you to make a fuss about it. Your actions say you are more concerned about her reaction than actually having sex.
If you are this way about everything, then I suppose it’s who you are, and that is that. On the other hand, if you are more “pushy”, or less willing to take no, about other things, than your actions are telling her that sex is far less important than what movie you go to, where you go to eat, how you spend your weekend, and so on. I mean come on; don’t you see how much someone is willing to “fight” for something as an indication of how much they really want it?
If your hints and other methods of indicating you want sex without asking for it are telling her it’s not that important to you, maybe that is why you have so little sex?