I don’t write enough about dealing with argument – my “Fight_nice” tag has only been used once. So I’m doing a short series on that this week.
One of the funniest pieces of advice I ever heard about marital fights is that they should all be done with husband and wife both fully nude. I’m thinking that would put the fellow at a disadvantage, no? On the other hand, I have seen advice to hold hands while arguing. I suspect many folks would find that very difficult, but it would tend to diffuse things.
Disagreements are going to happen in marriage – every marriage. It’s not the disagreements that matter, it’s how you handle them. Studies have found the WORST option is to ignore them, bury them, or hide from them. Any non-violent attempt to express and work through a disagreement is better for the long term health of the marriage than ignoring the problems. Even couples who yell and scream are better off than those that just keep it in. That does not mean I am suggesting yelling! I’m suggesting that you “fight nice”.
Fight nice means you deal with the issues without trying to hurt each other. It’s not a “win” if you hurt your bride – or if you walk away hurt. Insults and belittling are not part of fighting nice. Phrases like “You always …” or “You never…” have no place in a nice fight – no matter how true they may feel at the time.
