Verbal rape

August 6, 2010

in Communication, Marriage Killer

Have you ever continued a discussion – or argument – after your bride has indicated she wants to stop the conversation?

I understand the desire to continue, to not leave something hanging, to reach a conclusion. I can agree it’s “not fair” for her to expect you to drop something. I say these things because I am this way – I want to keep going until it’s resolved, or at least until I understand the situation. However, I have (far too slowly) come to understand that continuing a conversation “against her will” is violating her.

There are some good reasons why a woman may want to stop a discussion, with many of them boiling down to her feeling she is getting beat up or run-over – or fears she is about to get beat up or run-over. The fact that you don’t desire to do these things to her, or don’t think you have/will, does not change her reality, and anything other than backing off is the equivalent of verbal rape. Other times it might not be you – she may just be feeling overwhelmed in general, and does not feel she can give the discussion the attention it deserves. Still, if you won’t back off, you are pushing her in an unloving way.

Is it possible a woman just backs out because she is “losing the argument” or is generally unwilling to deal with things? Sure, that can happen. If the vast majority of your arguments end with her wanting to drop out, or if certain issues never get to be fully discussed, then you have a problem (maybe she is the problem, maybe you are, maybe you both are). If she won’t deal with things with you, it’s time to get some qualified third party help.

Note: I did not use the term “verbal rape” because I am insensitive to how severe a violation rape is – rather I am trying to show how severe a violation it is to continue a discussion when one’s wife does not want to do so.

1 comments
Eric - BHF
Eric - BHF

Great Post. Its very frustrating for me when my wife stops talking to me in the middle of a discussion. She does this to help her avoid saying hurtful things and escalating it (which I appreciate after the fact) However, in the heat of the moment, its so hard to let go! While I wouldn't call it 'verbal rape,' I agree its a problem in many marriages, including mine. .-= Eric - BHF´s last blog ..Date Your Wife- Baseball Game =-.

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