Lori and I have joked that we only hang with other folks for tip fodder – things we can use to write these daily tips. Along the same lines, some of our friends have noticed we can turn almost anything into a lesson on marriage.
In truth we are always looking for ways to communicate about marriage, for good examples to pass on, and for bad examples to suggest folks not fall into. Because of this focus, we do see things differently, and we do see the world in a way most don’t. Maybe the phrase “when you are a hammer, everything looks like a nail” fits here. What we are experiencing is a human tendency to see what we look for.
This tendency, seeing what you are looking for, can be a powerful tool in your marriage – and it can be powerful for good or for bad. If you are looking for the good in your bride, for the ways she loves you, blesses you, struggles to be a better wife, guess what you will see? On the other hand, if you are looking for her to mess up, are tallying her mistakes and unloving actions, guess what you will see? The first leads to you appreciating her and loving her more, the second leads to you being increasingly dissatisfied and feeling less reason to love her.
My suggestion is to start recording the good things she does. Actually write down the ways she loves you, the things she does for you, and the ways she sacrifices for you. Make it your goal to write down as many of these things as you can, each day. Change your mind set to looking for the good, and you will see things you have missed. You will start to see love hidden in words and actions where you were missing it.
Bonus: Comment on, and thank her for, the loving things you see her doing.