Your account is overdrawn

August 31, 2010

in Communication, Good Marriage, Series

This is a spin-off from Relationships and Currency by Chris Brogan.

Our words and actions are very much the currency of our relationships. Built-up good will can cover us when we blow it, and past poor performance makes it difficult to get excited when we do something right. What’s more, this currency has an expiration date – you can’t just bank some now for when you might need it next year.

The more you do for her, the nicer you are, the more loving things you say, the better your account balance is with her. If, on the other hand, you have been ignoring her for a while, or worse yet being snippy, then your account is overdrawn and you can’t afford much of anything until you do something about that.

And yes, sex requires relationship currency. Not because it’s prostitution, but because it’s a very intimate act that most women neither want nor enjoy if their husband is overdrawn.

4 comments
Jennifer
Jennifer

Jm....with a " love account balance" its not meaning keep a record ie. You did this this morning, and this yesterday,. So much as it is shes just not feeling loved at that point. If you become busy at work and come home tired and you dont talk much, she can feel like somethings off without pin pointing what it is, and she may not even hold it against you at all but eitherway shes not getting something she needs.

Eric - BHF
Eric - BHF

I love this analogy (even if it does remind me of my band teacher in 9th grade talking about making deposits into his 'trust bank account,' what a joke - he gave me a C) ...anyway... I also love the inclusion of an expiration date too, for my wife it expires very quickly! .-= Eric - BHF´s last blog ..Wife - Friend - Roommate - Ex =-.

JM
JM

I have tried to practice this principle since I first learned of it through the book "His Needs, Her Needs" by Williard Harley (at least, I *think* that's where I first heard it...). And while I tend to agree with this in practice (which is where it counts, I suppose) - I've always been curious as to where this fits with 1 Corinthians 13:5 where love "keeps no record of wrongs"? My thought is this: It is natural and normal to keep this account and I will not begrudge my bride if/when she does keep it. However, to the best of my ability, and by the Grace of God, I should attempt to *not* allow negative events/actions/words to reduce her "Love Bank account balance" with me. Make sense?

hiswifeslover
hiswifeslover

In my experience, any "points" I earn by being generous, kind, and loving are not worth much. As you say, I need to have a positive balance to expect sex but she sometimes treats me anyway. I have learned to do nice things, be generous, buy flowers and small amounts of chocolate, write notes, and other loving things she enjoys merely for the joy it brings her. I can count on nothing else.

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