Keep your eye on the goal

September 30, 2010

in Communication, Good Marriage

Having goals for our marriages can help us avoid problems by focusing us on what is important (that which moves us towards the goal) and that which is not (thing that move us away from the goal for no good reason). When I say goals, I don’t mean things like “I want my bride to …” or other “change her” goals – rather I mean goals the two of you agree to, and goals you set for yourself that are within your power to work towards.

A few ways your goals can help you judge various things:

  • Is an argument about something important? Does it advance or hurt or hurt your goals? If it’s an irrelevant issue, then it does nothing to advance any positive goal and it’s probably best let drop.
  • Are you putting a lot of time or energy into something that is leaving you with not enough time or energy to work towards your goals?
  • Are you asking things of your bride that take from her time or energy she needs to work on your joint goals?
  • Do you have non-marital goals that conflict with your marriage goals?

Additionally, do you have a good mix of short, mid-term and long term goals? Do your shorter term goals either compliment or not conflict with your longer term goals?

3 comments
Evan
Evan

Great timing for this post. Today my wife and I finished a six-month plan to reallocate some of our money. We had a spreadsheet written half a year ago and spent the last few months crossing things off. Today we finished putting a lump-sum payment on the mortgage, topping up the emergency fund, and adding some money to our car fund. Crossing the last item off the list was amazing - our reality was EXACTLY what we'd planned half a year ago. Having that goal kept us focused and made sure the choices we made in the meantime were made together. I also think your point of having short, mid, and long-term goals is great advice. We all need the immediate reward as well as the long-term advancements. .-= Evan´s last blog ..You used to be Steve Martin =-.

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

@john toner - I have read something about that as well, thanks for reminding me of it. It's good to know how our bodies and minds work, and to make choices that fit within that reality.

john toner
john toner

Excellent point. Reminds me of Crucial Conversations, THE BEST book on "communication" I've ever seen. Written for businesses, it's even better for marriages. Staying focused on goal (your point) is mentioned there. Crucial Conversations has fascinating research - like sometimes after arguing you may cool down "mentally" within 5 minutes, but not physically (adrenaline) for hours, and you may need to break for 2 hours before resuming a "discussion." It's an awesome book, on the level of Covey's 7 Habits, but much shorter and easier to read. THANKS AGAIN, AS PER USUAL!

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