Loved, or hated, for who you are

October 1, 2010

in None of the Above

A couple of months ago, Donald Miller had a post entitled “I’d Rather be Hated than Loved with Conditions“, which sparked a somewhat similar thought in my mind.

Have you allowed your bride to know who you really are, so that she can love you for who you are? Or, have you hidden parts of yourself out of fear that she won’t love those parts? If you are doing this, doesn’t if feel horrible? Don’t you think she will eventually discover the hidden parts, and won’t she be rightly upset at you for hiding them? Seems to me the benefits of being yourself outweigh the risks.

On the other side, have you shown your wife that you love her for who she is, even if there are bits she had not shown you? Don’t give her any reason to fear being herself.

4 comments
Sasha
Sasha

@GH - Thank you for sharing that. I am struggling right now because I fear I am engaged to a really good man with whom I am just not compatible. It makes me sad because he is truly the most amazing man I've ever met. But, there are those things that have caused me to lose a little respect and I'm having a hard time loving the whole man. It is a shortcoming in me that I am trying to defeat. I'm just losing more days than I'm winning...

The Generous Husband
The Generous Husband

@Sasha - I suspect you are right. But then I expect there will always be things about myself that I don't like, that I tolerate until I am sick enough of them to deal with them. The great thing for me is that my bride knows me, really knows me, and yet she still loves me! That does not mean she loves everything I am or do, but that she chooses to love the whole rather than the parts she likes.

Sasha
Sasha

Loving without condition is not reality when it comes to men and women - not for most, anyway. You can love your child without condition, but that's a different type of love. There will always be parts of you/your spouse that the other doesn't like or wishes were different. That's reality. You tolerate and accept what is.

interesting
interesting

Actually, I found out after I got married, that my wife didn't want to know the real me. She was much more enamored with the shy guy who would do most anything to win her affections. When reality struck and she actually needed to be loving and giving in every way, she became belligerent.

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