Die to self, and live for your marriage

October 17, 2010

in 1 + 1 = 1, Good Marriage, Series

How do we go from the marriage we have to the one we want to have? We die. We die to our self and our desires and our direction and we learn to live for the marriage. Note I did not say to live for your bride, but to live for the marriage. What’s the difference? A great deal.

Like you, your bride is imperfect. She has fears, wrong desires, and motives that are not pure. If you live for her, for what she wants, for what drives her, you have just moved from being controlled by one selfish human to being controlled by another selfish human. A great marriage comes not from doing what you want, or what she wants, but what is best for the marriage.

God says that when we marry the two become one. I realise that “1+1=1” does not work in math, but God says that is mystery and secret of marriage. When both husband and wife devote themselves to what is good for the marriage, great things happen. We can do what we don’t want to do, and we can do what we know our bride does not want us to do, if we understand that the result is good for us as a couple. This means that I sometimes do what I would like to do, sometimes do what she would like to do, and sometimes do things neither of us would like to do. Decisions are made based on the long-term health of our marriage, and if we are both living this way, we are both expected to sacrifice as much as is needed.

Living this way also means that “keeping score” is pointless. If I have sacrificed more this month, so what? That is what was needed, so I did it. Maybe I had to die to this month, or maybe I was in a better place to sacrifice this month. If I am dead to myself, and living for my marriage, the only score that matters is how my marriage is doing. If it’s getting better, we both win, if it’s not, we both lose.

6 comments
DC3
DC3

While 1+1≠1, 1 x 1 = 1. That equation then makes it so clear why it is important that two individuals do whatever it takes to become whole people before they get married... because when both people are less than whole, the end result is worse than before. 1/4 x 3/4 = 3/16!

Guy
Guy

In his message to the Ephesian, The apostle Paul states... "Nevertheless let each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she respect her husband." Ephesians 5:33 .-= Guy´s last blog ..Bar Stool Economics =-.

Take Two
Take Two

That is very good way of putting something that I have been thinking about. I'll have to remember this. When God tells to consider other more important than ourselves, he isn't making us slaves. He is trying to free us from our own selfishness and create an awareness of those around us. This is good to think about.

Tootles
Tootles

Thank you for the confirmation through your post!! Just what I...no WE needed to hear! Amen!

Tom and Debi Walter - The Romantic Vineyard
Tom and Debi Walter - The Romantic Vineyard

Paul - this is such a great post, and very simply stated. We're going to introduce our readers to you by highlighting this post next week. Thanks for all you do! .-= Tom and Debi Walter - The Romantic Vineyard´s last blog ..A Fragrant Aroma- Playing Defense =-.

Evan
Evan

I've never thought about this like this before, but you're absolutely right. I spent a lot of time giving up parts of myself to make my wife happy, but finally realized that it was when we were planning and working together that the true beauty of marriage became apparent.

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